Needy, thy name is Kayla.

This morning I opened up my devotional:

“Let me infuse My Peace into your innermost being.  As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you.  This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.
     In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness.  However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me; placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident.  Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself.  You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work.  You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.”

- Jesus Calling, 2004

As I read through this one of the things that stuck out to me was the line: “placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident”.   Which, essentially sums up this year for me.   I have had times where I have felt so completely depleted of all energy and confidence in my ability to discern what I am hearing from God, doubting just about everything and second guessing to the point of making myself sick.  It has felt like I have had the metaphorical rug pulled out from under me and have not been able to get back up, I just keep slipping and falling back down.

Someone gave me a good visual: it’s like you’re blindfolded and keep getting punched but you can’t defend yourself because you don’t know where the punches are coming from.  Feeling so exposed and as though my weaknesses were being broadcast for all to see and judge, that the solution was so simple and yet I couldn’t grasp it.   In the midst of all this still feeling excited that I was lucky enough to experience all this supposed failure, knowing that it was making a better person and that God did have purpose for it all.  Then having moments when I would say “Hey God, lets take a break, I think here’s an okay place to rest” and having Him respond “Oooh my wee Kayla, we’re just about to jump off another cliff!  Didn’t you get the memo?  OH wait, no, I didn’t send you one! Geronimooo!” 

Quite the journey!  At times, super fun and at other times I have just wanted to curl up in ball in the corner and lock myself in my room.  Dealing with inequity, not knowing who is trustworthy, feeling so fragile and ridiculous, having to constantly remind myself that I serve a BIG God who sees everything and that no matter how I feel or what I think I see, He sees more and His plan is way better than mine.  Being scared is not an excuse, but something to push past – like the Mega Tarzan Swing – sometimes all you have to do is close your eyes and ask to be pushed (after unlocking your foot from the gate, of course!).  At the end of the day it doesn’t always matter how long you took to jump, it’s “did you jump?”

These past few months have brought many fun adventures:

• I went to Nicaragua with one of my teammates and we had a lot of fun, the trip was carefree and relaxing!  Thank you for those of you who were praying.

• My brother came and left!  We had SUCH an amazing time!!! I’m a very lucky lady, I was spoiled and it was wonderful!  For those of you who were praying for an excellent time, it surpassed!  It was everything I could have imagined and more!  I love my brother and it would appear that he loves me too! 
  
• I finally bought bedroom curtains, they are beautiful!

Prayer

• Hurricane Otto passed through Costa Rica last week and the affects have been devastating.  One of the places that was hit the hardest was up north (Upala, Bagaces).  I have helped with many teams up there in the past and have friends in some of the communities that were hit, some of whom have lost their homes and loved ones.  The church where I was in August with the Step team was flooded (last I had heard it was knee deep) and the Pastor lost some family members.  We are very grateful that God spared the Central Valley, but are grieved by what has happened in the North and South of Costa Rica.  I am very grateful that God kept many of my friends and their homes safe – some have opened up their homes as refuges for those who lost everything.  Many of the school gyms/churches are being used as shelters for the time being.  Please keep Costa Rica in your prayers that those in authority would have wisdom to know how to repair and distribute the donations pouring in from all over the country.  Please pray for morale and that through this tough time God’s grace would shine through and bring joy into these communities!
  

“[She] is no fool to give what [she] cannot keep to gain that which [she] cannot lose.” - Jim Elliot

I would appear that I’m like catnip for little girls…I am around and they are immediately entranced!  Recently, there have been two in particular who just run at me – we’re talking leaping hugs, latch on and do not let go, tell me how much they love me, how pretty I am, they snuggle, thank me for hanging out with them, give me just the most amazing hugs, they play with my hair….did I mention the amazing snuggle hugs?! It’s been great for the ‘ol self esteem! 
It’s no wonder God calls us to come at him like little children…it feels amazing!

The thing about children though…they’re moody.  They throw tantrums.  They cry…they have meltdowns… over the tiniest of things at times.  For example: “I love you, you’re so great, and pretty and wonderful, can’t you just stay with me forever?!  Wait?  What?! You want me to put on socks?! For my own good so I don’t get cold?!  I DO NOT want to be wearing socks right now! How could you even ask me that?!?!” *Insert tears and pause for scream.  The world is now ending at this point.  However, a few minutes later, with socks on, “hmm, this isn’t so bad, I love you!  So much!  I love my socks and I love life!”
I feel like we have all been there, maybe it’s not socks God asks you to put on perhaps he says “Hey Kayla, take a breather, I need you to wait a bit” and I’m over here thinking, “Yeah, that’s cool, I can wait, I’ve learned a thing or two about patience, I’m probably like a patience pro by now…”  then days turn to weeks, weeks to months…you see where I’m going with this (basically, the subconscious timeline I’ve given Him is way past it’s expiry).  Then it comes…the meltdown: God?! What am I doing wrong?!?  Why are we still here?!?!” *pulls out hair and calls mom crying haha! Waiting can seem like the hardest thing EVER! If not kept in check your mind races and jumps to conclusions, doubt strolls in and sets up camp – and let me tell you he is not a considerate camper!
Welcome to past few months of my life!  A while ago, I chalked everything up to me just desiring control, then I dug deeper and was like “hmm, kayla? Why do you even care about the control? What is the fear driving that desire for control?” (I felt pretty smug about that one).  THEN, I realized there was more digging to be done so I dug even deeper and discovered something ugly…something my mom had suggested months ago and I brushed off (yes, Mooom, you were right!  Even writing this I want to change/manipulate the wording to make it sound not so pathetic/embarrassing haha!) okay…as it turns out, I have….the pride! *bows head in shame!
This past week I witnessed just how much pride has been affecting me, it has wriggled it’s way into so many areas of my life (I picture little, really skinny plant roots sneakily infiltrating…they’re so small that if you don’t pay attention you miss them).  I saw myself without the veil of Jesus, and that kayla is so ugly, she’s selfish, stubborn, obsessive, jealous…I could go on, but the thought of what I’m really like under the hood has me on the brink of tears..case and point: kayla without Jesus is disgusting, the stuff nightmares are made of!
So what do we do with this?! I mean I guess you’re fine you don’t have to see her every single day.  But, I have to hang out with this nightmare….all the time!  Everyday…she’s always around!  Gross! 
Fear not!  there’s great news which is that in Jesus, I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and if I repent of my sins, God will forgive me (Acts 3:19, Isaiah 44:22) and even though He knows nightmare kayla rears her ugly head - fairly frequently if we’re being honest!  He still chooses to see me through Jesus lenses (1 John 1:7, Titus 2:14, Ephesians 1:7) and just sees a beautiful creation and says to himself “Oooo look at that kayla!  What a babe! Man, I do good work!” (Ephesians 2:10).  It’s so exciting to see how God uses everything to bring glory to Himself; like if I could do all the work in and of myself, people wouldn’t be able to see God at work – it wouldn’t draw them nearer to Him (that includes me too, it helps me build a more intimate relationship with Him!).  I’m that car crash which is so horrifying you can’t look away! You’re drawn in! haha OR you see Jesus in my life and are wooed by the beauty in me!  …He and I are also working on humility…. heehee! (Obviously, the beauty is all Jesus – if you don’t remember what kayla is like, backtrack a few paragraphs up).

Okay!  So I know I’ve left you hanging for a few months and I have SO many things I want to share – however, I know that you also have lives and don’t have all week to read about my past few months so we will power point through and maybe, just maybe I’ll delight you with a SECOND post this month!
JULY brought us:

• Missions week with my local church – super fun, made friends, worked hard in the kitchen – no one died from my cooking * well technically I was more in charge of coffee and washing dishes but either way, I didn’t poison anybody and my excellent coffee making reputation is still going strong! 

In AUGUST (aka August of Awesomeness):

• The arrival of my 3 week Step team!  We worked with a local church building into the community not only physically, but relationally as well!  It definitely had it’s challenges, I saw God’s grace in many of the participants and was super impressed with what He did in me- as we now know, I'm not the easiest of vessels! Being given that grace and wisdom to handle some tricky situations and the exhilaration that comes after having someone come up to you and be like “You handled that situation like a pro!” So legit!  I definitely would not have been able to do that on my own!

• 
• The departure of all 3 of my Striders, they all went back to their respective countries and have all started university now.

SEPTEMBER:

• I had a few business/pleasure weekend trips – the perks of loving your business is that it makes your trips pleasureful! (That is now a word!).
• Many new friendships/connections – most of which were sparked because of me being open about my recent struggles/hurts/mirror gazing.  It’s pretty cool how God uses things!  How we suffer so that we can be the vessels to comfort others *cue the Circle of Life soundtrack

There are so many things I’d like to share – which is partially why I’ve taken SO long to get anything out, turns out I have perfectionist tendencies and couldn’t focus enough to make a post worthy of the gates of heaven!  Also, I was mentally exhausted after my August of Awesomeness, amongst other things!
Okay before you become mentally exhausted from this novel lets get some PRAISE and PRAYER REQUESTS in:

1. Monday I am going to Nicaragua.  Please, first of all thank God that He provided me with someone to adventure with!  Then please pray for safe travel.  Pray that this time away would be a time of true rest (spiritually and physically) and that it would be rejuvenating for our souls (haha that sounds so cheesy – I’m keeping it anyway!)
2. My old roommate, Marianela had her baby on Friday so please pray that her, her boyfriend, Allan and baby Elisa would stay in good health and seek the Lord!
3. One of the girls in my English class has decided to walk away from the Lord because in her words she “wants to try out living in the world” – it was a huge bummer for the class, we’ve been praying for her (M).  However, we are excited to announce that we’ve also been praying for new friends/students and this week I met 2 very interested perspectives!  It was a great morale boost for them!
4. For my pride…that God would really fill me with the Holy Spirit and that I would be able to release hurts, accept His forgiveness, and experience true healing!
5. I almost forgot!  I’ve been asked to speak at some sort of mission focused bible study event on the 18th.  Please pray God reveals what I need to share and gives me the grace to speak well and get His message across.
6. ALSO MY BROTHER WILL BE HERE IN LESS THANK FOUR WEEEKS!!!!!!!!!!! Pray he has safe travel and comes bearing many gifts! heehee In all seriousness, please pray our time would be a huge blessing and that we would be able to fully enjoy our time together and that He would experience some Jesus and decide he’d like a piece of the action!

Okay, that’s enough for right now :)  If you ever feel like, “ah! I just can’t get enough kayla, I need to know more!”  feel free to write to me, or call or come visit ;)  Basically, don’t be afraid to contact me, I don’t bite – usually!

wait wait wait wait wait….

yes, that is to the tune of that Rihanna song…it’s so catchy!  

² When I was in deep trouble,
I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
but my soul was not comforted.
³ I think of God, and I moan,
overwhelmed with longing for his help…

⁴ You don’t let me sleep.
I am too distressed even to pray!
⁵ I think of the good old days,
long since ended,
⁶ when my nights were filled with joyful songs.
I search my soul and ponder the difference now.

…

But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
¹² They are constantly in my thoughts.
I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

¹³ O God, your ways are holy.
Is there any god as mighty as you?
¹⁴ You are the God of great wonders!
You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.

 Psalm 77: 2-6; 11-14 (NLT)

My words are not sufficient to describe the feelings I have been having the past few months, there are moments when I feel just amazing, totally energized on a Jesus high and then others where I feel like a complete idiot so pathetic and weak.  Many times I have just sighed and been like “Jesus, buddy….what in the world is going on here?!?!”  I look in the mirror profoundly and ask “who am i?!” heehee, kidding!  Okay that may have happened…like once …maybe twice ;)

Feelings are so interesting, I’ve been told numerous times that I am a big hearted person, that I care so deeply, love harder (whatever that means).  Which, I see as a compliment and I’m very grateful for this gift God has given me.  There are many benefits, but there is also a greater risk and likelihood to be put in the line of fire, to feel hurt that much deeper.  I get frustrated that I have a hard time releasing, I will feel like my brain and feelings just won’t connect.  My brain will say “hey!  You are actually fine, life is great, God’s totally got you covered!  He works everything out for YOUR good!  Pretty sure He’s not trying to screw you over or psych you into going down the wrong path!”  then my feels will get involved and be like “Well, actually, we are hurt/upset so that trumps everything, also, please remember that you should feel sucky, ridiculous, and awkward! Ps. have you gained weight?”  Oh Satan, he is good.  I can see you all scratching your heads “Excuse me Kayla?! But WHAT?!  How did you get not only one mission agency to want you …but two with theology like that??”  Let me finish!  He is good…at being sneaky!!!  You give the tiniest, teeniest smidge of space and he creeps in and just harasses – sneakily and sometimes not so sneakily; he’ll just throw stuff in your face!  He DOES NOT play fair, his sportsmanship is poor – he wouldn’t make a very good curler that’s for sure!

Some things I have been pondering as of late:
-- I have had an empathy overload (An empathetic person is someone who can share another person's feelings. If you tell an empathetic person that your heart is broken, she might touch her own heart and gaze at you sadly through moist eyes.- that definition brought to you by Google) and it has brought me to a place of such deep hurt, sometimes it feels like it’s out of control.  What do you do when you get yourself down to someone’s level (for example you get into the hole with them, but then they climb out of the hole and take the ladder with them…)--

--Recognizing your issues vs. actually working them out--

--Failure is part of the process – dust me off so I can swing for the fences again!--

--God is not interested in just getting the job done – He’s wanting us to experience HIM.--

--Am I trying to shape my circumstances OR am I letting them shape me?--

--What am I afraid of? – many things as it turns out!--

“This is the boisterous city,
once so secure.
“I am the greatest!” it boasted.
“No other city can compare with me!”
But now, look how it has become an utter ruin,
a haven for wild animals.
Everyone passing by will laugh in derision
and shake a defiant fist.”
------------------------------------------Zeph 2:15
To me this speaks of the importance of humility, it’s important to keep yourself in check.  Also, I just think it the part about shaking a defiant fist is hilarious, who doesn’t love a good fist shake! 

PRAISE!!!

We’ve been praying for solid friendship and it’s been revealed! During these rough few months I have been overwhelmed by the support I have seen not only from friends overseas, but right here in my neighbourhood.  I have found myself being more candid and much more vulnerable, sometimes I would have moments of fear, realizing how much I had let someone in, worried what they must think of me.  However, instead of dwelling and playing the ‘what if’ game I reminded myself that vulnerability (when done in a safe space) has power.  It has the ability to strengthen friendship, create a space for growth, allow for expression.   I have a quote on my desktop which reads “A woman of beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become…in her presence we can release tension and pressure that often grips our hearts”  My goal is to be a woman of beauty, and I am happy to report that God has placed many beautiful women in my life!  

Sometimes there are no words, you just need someone to sit with you, listen to you whine and then remind you that you are not alone and that God really does care. It’s okay to lose your marbles a bit. It’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to be weak.

Arduous times are SO exciting!  Why you ponder?  Well…

1. Jesus loves me enough to correct me!  If I’m doing something wrong – which is almost never…obviously! *insert witty smirk
2. I’m going to be better – my faith is being stretched
   1. I have reflected on 2015 Kayla, and 2016 Kayla is kinda blowing her outta the water….haha yes I am in competition with myself…
3. It’s an opportunity for great joy as one of my favourite Bible book writers, James, says (James 1:2).  It’s so fun to make a list of things I’m grateful for and watch my perspective shift and to be just gleeful (haha what a great word- it’s a real one too, I checked: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/gleeful!)

 

I’ve been able to go up to an indigenous reserve in Talamanca to serve with my local church during their mission week in this community – which does not let in just any outsiders!  It’s all very exciting!  I was there yesterday and today and made like million friends!  Lord willing, I will go back this weekend to continue spreading the love – and delicious coffee…turns out, I still make a good cuppa joe!

I had Canadian visitors who stole me away from the daily grind and whisked me off for a few days of work-free fun!!!

PRAYER!!!

1. This weekend I will hopefully be returning to the reserve, please pray for the message of God’s love to really resonate in everyone involved!  That there would be an atmosphere of comradery and joy.  The visual I have is just a giant hug…
2. On Monday, my 3 striders and I are off to Panama so that
   1. To have a mini retreat - all my girls are done their placements in August and will be heading back to their home countries.  It’s sad, but part of the job…however, if their passports happen to go missing I guess they’ll just have to stay with me forever! 
   2. 
      Please pray that we have a safe and super fun time, that we don’t get hassled anywhere and make it safely there and back
3. August of Awesomeness is almost upon us (AKA what I’m calling my August STEP team this year).  My goals include no one dying (if you weren’t around last year here’s the post: i want to burn out bright!: your faith is all it takes… ) and to create an environment which cultivates growth so that my Steppers can walk away with a deeper understanding of who God is and what He means to them!  Also,  unrelated to the team but a goal I have is to watch all the Die Hard movies, in order – I know, it’s all very spiritual!
4.  I want to be flabbergasted by God’s greatness! Pray I will have eyes to see and ears to hear!

Also, just a heads up but as of late I’ve been thinking that it’s been a very long time since I’ve made one of my infamous update videos.  So I’ve put it on my to do list!  I know you’re freaking out!  It will be amazing!  And now that I've told you, I'm bound to hacerlo – accountability! That’s how you get things done!

I will let you get on with your lives now, to bid you adieu here’s one of my Striders and I reppin’ it for the Great White North.  Happy Belated Canada Day!

“Existe la inmensa alegria de vivir y de ser justos, pero ante todo existe la inmensa alegria de servir”

- Gabriela Mistral

I bet I know what you are thinking!  “Kayla?  I do not espeak the espanish how am I supposed to know you didn’t just insult my mother…” 
Don’t worry, I didn’t!  I found the quote in my planner and really liked it.  I had never heard of Gabriela Mistral (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriela_Mistral) before, as it turns out she was a humanitarian from Chile.  She’s quoted as saying that there is great joy in living and being fair but before all those things is the immense joy of serving [!] 
As someone who loves serving others, I had to admit she made an excellent point!
This past month and a bit has played around with my morale, I have been slapped in the face a few times (metaphorically, heehee and once literally – but I deserved it!).  A friend of mine –  Damaris, with whom I serve in the Sewing ministry- shared a story about this fishery that needed to move some Salmon across the country.  SO they packed up a moving tank and shipped the fish off.  When the tank arrived at it’s destination,  all the fish inside were dead!  The workers were trying to figure out what when wrong, how they could fix this mystery problem etc.  One day, one of the lower level workers suggested that the reason the fish died was because salmon cannot remain motionless, they need to be continually moving.  He said that in the next shipment they should put some catfish in the tank too.  Catfish are bottom dwellers and would stay at the bottom of the tank and ensure that the salmon remained in motion during the trip (I guess because if the salmon got too close the catfish would nip them?  haha that never came up in the story).  Anyways, they did just that and all the fish in the second tank made it alive.  So after explaining this she talked about how God puts catfish into our lives to keep us moving and on our toes!
I think that most people can be like the salmon in the first tank, staying still and dying!!!  Okay, dying is a bit dramatic, basically we can lose our motivation/momentum or just not make a conscious effort to move forward and wind up drifting and not reaching our full potential… and dying! heehee okay, not dying right away, hmm but actually, yes,  we will all die.. eventually… which is why we need Jesus!  *insert cheering crowd
I recently had some work evaluations and walked out of one feeling completely deflated.  I had taken a hard look at where I was at, what I have faced recently, how I was feeling, looking at some of my character flaws (i know you don’t believe I have any, but I too, am just a regular person and am flawed!).  I was disappointed with myself,  feeling like a loser trying to figure out what went wrong and why I couldn’t just have everything together – you know – like everyone else!  Comparison is the best way to establish where you are at no?
Kidding!
So i decided that I was going to enjoy my ‘catfish’ and take advantage of the reality that each day is new and I’m not as big of a loser as I was allowing myself to think!  I also ran across these verses multiple times in multiple Psalms:

Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again – my saviour and my God. (psalm 42, 43..)

And I said to myself “Yea Kayla!  What’s your deal? Why are you so sad?”
I had been a bit wrapped up in all my discouraging news and had taken to whining to God and asking him to help a sister out with some strength and peace.  Not a bad response, however, I was letting the sadness overpower the joy we are to have in the face of problems (Romans 5:3).  I half heartedly was thanking him for the wonderful opportunities these sucky situations were going to provide!

“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me and he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire.  He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as i walked along.  He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see what he has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the Lord.”Psalm 40:1 –3

Amen! Right?! That’s pretty exciting stuff, I felt/feel so honoured that God is going to use me to lead others to him!  When I read this verse names of people popped into my head and I got so excited and imagined them giving their lives to the Lord.  A few days later one of the people I’d thought of reached out to me and asked me why I do what I do, wouldn’t it just be easier to serve in Canada where I wouldn’t have to face these setbacks… I got to share a bit about what it’s like to trust God and just because things aren’t easy doesn’t mean they’re not worthwhile and we aren’t called to do them.  It was just a great time! 
Praise!
English – I am teaching the advanced class and am really enjoying it, i get to see many friends and as this group has a bit more understanding (and they’re a bit older) than the beginner class I am able to have more fun with the content and on the whole, feel more effective!

Neighbour kids – They came to visit me the other day and coloured me some pictures!


Sewing class – we’re learning to make clothes! and I memorized all the measurements and won a prize!  All the ladies cheered for me – we had a moment, it was great!
 Beach – faced my fear of water!  Last week a friend invited me to go paddle boarding- yes most of you are like “ah Kayla! that’s the praise isn’t it?!” WRONG! For those of you who know me a bit better, you will know that I have a fairly intense and at times irrational fear of lakes, oceans – basically any body of water that is large and has things living in it (darn you National Geographic! I love you but you put too many ideas into my head!).  So, occasionally I will try to face my fear, you know keep myself on my toes – fear will not define me!
We went, had the intro and the two guys working kind of see me going pale and just staring at the water haha – so mellow dramatic!  But I was determined!  So I get out into the water: Step 1!  Success!  Then, if you are familiar with paddle boarding you know that you start on your tummy, then move to your knees, then you stand up!  We got fairly out into the bay and I was doing not too bad, just focused on paddling and then the instructor was like “Right, lets stand up” …I’m pretty sure I laughed at him and said “actually I prefer the view from knee level” …fast forward…I had decided that it was time to give it a go, you can’t go paddle boarding and NOT stand up!  So I go for it and the first attempt proved not successful as a wave came and I quickly dropped back down.  On my second attempt (haha embarrassingly about 10 minutes later) I managed to get up! YAY!  I  must have looked like a crazy person, my knees were trembling so badly from the nerves – however! I did not fall! and by the end of our time I was only shaking a little!  I also got to see a school of fish up closeish – at the time I couldn’t decide if i was excited or petrified as I had just watched on Planet Earth the same type of fish surfacing before a humpback whale emerged from the depths!
School – Today I went and picked up my work booklet for my first class  – which starts next Friday!
Visits - One of my favourite Canadians came to stay with me for a few days!
Step – Plans are in motion for the August team!


Prayer:

• Damaris (my friend and director of the Sewing ministry) has developed a weird, painful growth on her finger.  Please pray that either God will heal it up overnight, miracle style!  Or he will provide the knowledge of what it is and how to treat it to a medical professional.  She has seen a doctor who had no idea what it could be.

• We said ‘see you later’ to one of our Striders, Jana,  (she had been here since I arrived in 2014) – please pray that the Lord will guide her and prepare her next steps, ideally, letting her in on them!
• Another Strider tragically lost her grandfather last week, please keep her and her family in your prayers.  Pray that the Lord will use this shock and time of mourning to draw the family to Him (they are non-believers).  Pray they will find comfort in Him.
• This weekend I have a trip to see a future collaboration project (an adventure camp!)  Pray that God will bless the time, travel, and that  we will be able to see the potential and be able to work together!

I hope you have just an amazing rest of your week!  Thank you SO much for your prayers and support.  May God bless you abundantly and show up in every facet of your lives! 
Big hugs!
Kayla!

April showers bring May flowers

May that be the case, since getting back to Costa Rica last week I feel that I have been running around like a chicken with her head cut off  (which I’ve actually seen… it’s not pretty, actually now I regret bringing it up, sorry!).   Also, our rainy season should be starting anytime now so it will probably be more like April showers pre-soak you for May showers… Oh well, that’s why God made umbrellas right? 
My time in Canada was good, the time was spent catching up with friends, supporters, family, doing some fundraising, and I had a few weddings to attend.  It was really fun to see so many people – more than once!  Some of my highlights were being able to take in so many nice walks, some seriously encouraging talks, playing a little softball and driving!  Oooh I love driving – when there’s no traffic! 

Just a few pictures: some of the weddings, some babies, some grandparent PDA, me doing a presentation, a hug… a little bit of everything

Now to business!
Praise!

 I’ve had so many visitors this past week (missionaries from Nicaragua, a few couples from Canada!)  It was a great way to transition back in!

My home was still in one piece when i got back!  Not all my plants were thriving BUT they were all alive, so we’re calling it a win!

The Canadian dollar has gone up in value!!!

I got a new monthly donor!

God blesses you who are poor, for the Kingdom of God is yours.
God blesses you who are hungry now, for you will be satisfied.
God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh.
What blessings await you…be happy! Yes, leap for joy! 
                                                                                                                          Luke 6:20-23

One of the things I love about verses like this is that it doesn’t say maybe or it’s possible it says will  You will be satisfied! You will laugh!  For me the ‘will’ is so encouraging, it gives me confidence.  Even when things seem impossible and there doesn’t seem to be a solution or end in sight you can hold on the hope that verses like this instil – one day, it will happen!

Prayer!

One of the Striders (short term missionaries) under my care is leaving us in 3 weeks – please pray that God will give her peace and allow her to be able to do all that she needs to before leaving.  She’s been here since I first arrived so it will be quite sad to say ‘see you later’   Please also prayer for her transition back (She’s from Slovakia) and for her family, her father was diagnosed with cancer last year.

This is also a praise!  I’m going to be going back to school!  I’m going to be looking at seminaries here in Costa Rica to see what’s available.  Please pray that God will guide me to the right school/classes, that He will provide financially and that the experience will be super beneficial, not only for my biblical knowledge but also my Spanish! 

We’re at the less than one week mark!

Everything feels so surreal, I cannot really even imagine that in less than one week I will be, Lord willing, up North… This year has gotten off to such a speedy start!  It’s exciting and right now I am a mix of emotions.  I’m nervous to be away for so long, sad to miss out on this time with my new missionaries, however, the joy of being able to see all my friends and family in the lower mainland is slowly surpassing the nerves!  I know the 6 weeks will seemingly fly by, like these past two months have, it’s so fun to have so much to do!  I’ve been LOVING having my pollitos (that’s what I call the girls I’m responsible for- I feel like a mother hen with her little chicks)
Since you last read my rantings I’ve been to, and froze, in Guatemala.  We had our annual Central American conference which went really well …aside from the 10° weather!  I’m not going to lie, I wore like all my clothes, and wrapped myself up in a blanket for the majority of the time there.  It was a great trip,  I went a few days early to see a friend and we took some of the short termers from Nicaragua with us to do some touristy activities.

Highlights of the conference:

• I gave my presentation/review of 2015 and what’s planned for 2016 in front of the group (with a microphone) and didn’t throw up on anyone!

* Spending time with the other Latin Link members in Central America and Mexico!

• I found and quickly snuggled a baby goat!

• The gentleman who did our morning devos nailed it each morning!  He had great insight and awesome anecdotes!  My favourite was about this blind man who was at a friends house visiting and just having a blast and then once it was time to head home (in the dark) his friend gave him a lamp to walk home with.  The blind man of course could not see and questioned why he would need a lamp, his friend explained that the lamp was not for him but for others to see him to avoid crashing into each other.  So the blind man took the lamp and started walking home, during his walk he was hit by someone, the blind man angrily demanded to know how the other guy managed to run into him when he had a lamp and was clearly visible.  To which the other guy responded by saying that the lamp was nearly out and it was very difficult to see. 
  Then we were asked how our lamps are.  The lamp was a metaphor for faith/relationship with God.  We may think that our lamp is strong and bright but reality may be that we are just barely shining and not lighting anything up. 
  There was also another one with a man hanging off a branch over a cliff – he prayed to God asking to be saved.  God told him if he let go of the branch and he would be saved.  The man, couldn’t let go- he had to cling to the branch.  The branch is a reference to anything of this world vs. Christ. 
  These two stories stuck with me I pondered over branches that I have in my life and the brightness of my lamp.  No profound responses came from these ponderings but it was definitely beneficial to take time to think about :) 

There is so much to be grateful this month!  I have seen so much growth on the work front, deepened friendships, felt more at home… ah how the list could go on!  BUT I must pack!  I only have 5 more days left to prep everything :)
Which leads us to some prayer points to wrap up!
Please pray for my trip, that all my luggage comes with me, that nothing gets lost and that I don’t get sick and am able to rest.  Please also pray that I meet with and see everyone I need to see that my time is restful, productive, and just excellent!  AH!  I can’t even believe that this is happening!

“We put our hope in the Lord.  He is our help and our shield in Him our hearts rejoice for we trust in His holy name.  Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord for our hope is in you alone!”

Psalm 33: 20-22

February 1st!?!?

Hello world!
I have just come home from dropping off my TWO striders (short term missionaries) at the language institute; if I didn’t feel like a mom before – after dropping my kids off at school-  I certainly do now!
The past month has been quite good, my work load has tripled, there is a lot being planned for the year, my home feels much more homey (thanks to some homemade furniture from some cement blocks and pallets I found in the street!).  January was good – I cannot believe that is is already February!!!  In a few weeks we have our annual Central America Team Conference, which is in Guatemala this year!  Then after a week or so back in CR, Lord willing, I will be heading North to visit the homeland!!!*insert Canadian anthem playing in the background.

This year has started off wonderfully, many times things have felt surreal, and other times, the feelings just body slam you to the ground!  Emotions are a funny thing, they love to travel and explore (joy…excitement…anger…sadness..take a turn back to joy…quick stop to see fear…doubt…joy..the journey is never ending).  We’re only 32 days into the year and I’ve already picked up souvenirs from a number of stops!

I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you,
you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
– John 15:5

So this month’s key issues seemed to revolve around my attitude.  Sometimes it was great, other times I felt that there was room for improvement.  As mentioned above, emotions take their toll on how you see things, and when not kept in check, your emotions can distract you from what God is trying to tell you.  For example, when God called Moses to go and free the Israelites from Egypt (Exodus 3-4) he responded in doubt and fear, saying he wasn’t capable, he was full of ‘what ifs?’ ‘how can i?’ ‘i can’t’   to be honest reading it I thought to myself “Man! Moses!  Stop being such a butthead, pull yourself together!  God was super clear…what’s to not get?!  You can’t lose! Just go, leave all you know, go back to the place where people wanted to kill you and tell the Pharaoh that you’d like your relatives back!”  Easy peasy! 
In all seriousness though,  I do think about the fact that God spoke to Moses and told him what to do, and I do wonder why he panicked but actually, Moses and Kayla are a lot alike.  Many times I question God.  I wonder what I am doing, I doubt my abilities, I evaluate myself based on worldly perspective or how i feel…*insert gasp!  I feel like if I was reading about myself in the Bible i would smack myself on the forehead – and just like with Moses- be yelling at my Bible “Come on Kayla!! You are better than this!  You know better! Feelings are NOT sufficient evaluating tools and comparing yourself to others NEVER ends pretty!” 

Reality is that human reasoning will not give me God’s perspective!  Punto! (that’s Spanish for Bam! Case closed!)  God sees things differently than we do, he uses ordinary people, weak and despised things because out of those He can receive the greatest glory (1 Corinthians 1:26-31).  My decisions and evaluations need to be based on biblical principles –how did God deal with similar things in the Bible?  How should i see myself according to the Bible?  Recently, I was having some down time with JC and realized that I’m so in love with him that it physically hurts me that I can’t hug him.  I feel like the anxiety/stress/nerves would just leave me and I would be completely reenergized with an engulfing hug!  But, for now, I have to suffice with seeing Jesus in others and giving them his hugs (Matthew 25:40).
Psalm 81:10 God says “Open wide your mouth and I will fill it” 

“Open wide your arms and I will fill them!” 
- Kayla

Praise
“I said to the Lord, “You are my master! Every good thing I have comes from you” Psalm 16
- I am delighted to announce that i finally have my debit card! (Picked it up on Saturday!)
- This week TWO new short term missionaries joined the ranks:
         - Sophie will be working in a daycare in an at risk neighbourhood
         - Lexie will be working with university students doing outreach and discipleship
- My sinuses are much better than they were last year!
- A student of mine was in the hospital for a few weeks with an alarming illness and is now recuperating at home!
- Recently, a friend finally got to go meet Jesus face to face! *Also a prayer request, for the family and friends who will miss him from here.- My brother, Graham, has announced that he is coming to visit!!!
- I was given a desk!  With free delivery!
- My old roommate Marianela came back to visit for a night!  We had a great catch up!
- Living here is not all bureaucratic stress, I have some great relationships and super grateful to be able to wake up to sun and Spanish!

Prayer”Some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”  Ps 20:7- I am delighted to have my new debit card, however, none of the ATMs will let me take out more than $130 …so far!
- To rest and give (and actually give them over and have peace) my stressors to the Lord.
- For direction and clarity to what God is trying to teach me.
- That He would give me confidence in where I am and guide me in how to receive and respond to the, more recent, onset of fear inducing comments from others.
- For nourishing and fun friendships.