it is the perfect opportunity to rely on ME in childlike faith” –Jesus
So i must apologize for going off the grid for almost 2 months! If we’re being honest i have had no motivation to sit down and think about how i am feeling or start pondering big questions. Not to mention my one month of rest plan (where i would take a month off to recharge and after those 30 days i would be back at 100%) has been failing miserably. How foolish of me, I should’ve known better, God’s plans always dominate mine! Needless to say I'm still sick and it’s been very frustrating (i was diagnosed with sinusitis and bronchitis on monday and am now hopped up on drugs, aka watch out phlegm you’re abouts to be evicted!)
Ok moving on – there are much more exciting wonderful things afoot! I am SO delighted to report that while I have been struggling with depression, frustration, and quite a bit too much fear God has been faithful! huzzah!
This morning i read Isaiah 30.20-21
“Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying “this is the way, walk in it”
One of the hardest things i have been facing is feeling distant from God. Confused on where to turn, what to do, why sucky things happen, not feeling like i was hearing much, etc. This passage immediately filled me with new hope! Last night, I was offered a job at the dermatology clinic where i worked before i left for Costa Rica. Not only that but i got a raise! say whaat!?!? I KNOW! The thing about this verse in Isaiah – it emphasises that I need to make the turn first it’s way easier for God to move something with momentum over something stationary (like saaay someone who lives in her pjs on the couch…). Sometimes we get caught up in the fear and our feet get stuck and we stand there in the same spot screaming “aah God why have you forsaken me?? where is my direction?! I want a hug!!!” when reality is we need to first take the steps out in faith trusting that if we are going the wrong way we will be redirected!
So right now i am stepping out, taking a job (which is seemingly temporary,who knows what doors will opened). I am not allowing myself to even consider going out into the field again until I'm completely recharged and healthy – not only physically but spiritually as well. Picture it this way a watering can is not so productive when empty. When watering the garden you take your can (full) and shower the soil then once it’s empty you take it back to the tap to be refilled until it is overflowing; so much so that it spills out while you are walking back to the garden. I want to get back to the place where i am overflowing with the spirits of living water which cannot be contained so that while God is carrying me back to the garden I'm splashing out everywhere! I do not know where my garden is or when i get to go, but i do know that i am in good hands and it doesn’t matter where the water lands the important part is that there is water to spill!
PRAYER
(ps did i tell you I'm so thankful for people taking the time to pray for me, i feel so special!)
- I want to be heaaalthyyyy!!! so please pray that the medications work quickly so i can finally drop the illness be congestion-free and have an immune system stronger than Samson!
- For a softened and open heart eager to be taught and alert to the plethora of joy, grace, and learning opportunities each day has to offer.
- For continued grace and peace knowing i am where i am supposed to be right now and that my peeps' to the south are in good hands.
- That each day will bring me into more intimate relationship with God and he will fill me with wisdom, patience, and confidence so i can fearlessly discern the paths to take.
