Nicalandia!

Hello my friends!  Happy December and Merry Christmas!
As some may have heard, last week I went to Nicaragua to renew my visa and take some time to get to know our newest Strider, Jana.  She’s been with us now for about 2 months.  We went to Granada, Nicaragua.  There are some other Stay members (long term missionaries with Latin Link), who live there so we decided to visit them!

Jana and I on the boardwalk, some local houses, Jana and our Stay member having a chat in Catalina

Local transport, more houses (they’re just so photogenic!), downtown Granada

The trip there was your regular run of the mill journey, with the highlight being that I was able to sleep for about 3 of the 9 hours!  (I usually maybe can manage a half hour!).  We met another volunteer on her way to another city in Nicaragua who will potentially be joining Latin Link in the future.   She’s in Costa Rica studying Spanish and came up to us at the border and asked if we were with Latin Link…I was a bit confused as to how she could so accurately guess, right down the organization (I don’t walk around plastered with insignia).  Turns out our Stay member had told her we were on the same bus!
During our 3 days there we walked around town, admiring the architecture, sitting by the lake, making friends, eating refried beans (as it turns out those are Jana’s most favourite thing!).   Our hostel was very nice and ended up charging us less than I had calculated – which is always wonderful!
After we checked out of the hostel is when things started to get real exciting!  First, we visited a cafe which provides work for the deaf.  They make hammocks and serve what you would expect from any other cafe.  You order in sign language, it was very fun!
Then we made our way to the bus terminal (we had tickets for the 1 pm bus).  Upon arrival we found out that the previous day our bus had been detained the border (as drugs were found onboard).  Which meant that it wasn’t running!  They said there were putting us on the Executive bus (supposedly more spacious, nicer seats, personal TV screen, food..) so the extra hour we were told we’d have to wait seemed worthwhile.  So, that hour turned into 6!  During which time I managed to make us some friends (who are hilarious!).  They’re a married couple and now that I know their entire life stories and how the wife is not deacuerdo with my work (i.e.. working with “dangerous people” in the low income areas when they choose to be there…).  But, after some time I don’t know what happened– perhaps it was the fact that I, like a good missionary, prayed for her while we were talking-  she changed her tune and I am now betrothed to her cousin or son, ladies choice!  I figure, if I cant decide I’ll go Old Testament on it and marry both!

Our trip was lovely, it took about 14 hours in total until I was back, but honestly it was such a fun day.  I was so delighted with it – all the waiting and changing of our plans, none of it phased me at all, it was really exciting - I had a constant joy and peace the entire day.  I genuinely enjoyed the whole excursion, which really gave opportunity for discouragement, frustration, worry..(we were crossing a border after all) and nothing,  I felt amazing and super happy.  I was touched because it was like some verses that I always try to imprint into myself:

 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”  - Philippians 4:6-7

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?  Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,  yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.                                                                                                                         - Matthew 6:25-33

Praise: Our trip went great, thank you to everyone who was praying!  It was felt! (and the new backpack my grandma sent me is…AMAZING!!! It’s a game changer people!)
<----I was given a new plant baby yesterday

    I got the first picture of my latest niece/nephew!!! --->


Prayer:I am not really sure how to write this, I've tried a few ways and nothings seems to fit so I’m just going to go for it…I’ve been told of some deaths that have happened in Canada (one an old childhood friend, and the other the son of a friend of mine).  When situations like this arise, I am not the most eloquent I prefer to use my God given gift of hugging, however, I cannot physically be there to hug.  So I am asking that you would lift up the families/friends in prayer, that God would embrace them and that they would be enveloped in a warm and comforting hug.  That there would be peace and they would be able to sleep and know that while there is pain and suffering here on Earth (lots of which we don’t understand) we can trust that God is in control, He is ever present and  He loves us.  He is not just sitting on His throne emotionless, He is in the trenches right beside us.  Pray that the peace and calmness that I had during my many hours at the bus station would be a reality for them too.

“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. 
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

-Ephesians 3:19-20

I don’t want to fear the storm just because I hear it roar…

So the other day I felt called to start reading Ecclesiastes and one of the first things written: “Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!” (v2) I must say that I was a little taken aback and as I continued to read , reflected on how bleak the passage seemed to be..the futility of wisdom, the futility of pleasure, the futility of work, of injustice...  the author compares these things to chasing the wind, it’s all meaningless… So I’m reading these uplifting and encouraging verses and finding that actually, the words, the ideas… they are resonating within me.  These things, without God, are meaningless – we came from the dust and to the dust we will return.  Both the wise man and foolish man will meet the same end, so why seek wisdom?
People strive to comprehend the why’s of life:   Why are we here?  Why do bad things happen?  Why aren’t they being healed?  Why is this still a struggle?  What’s the meaning/point?  Is everything meaningless? 
The past month and a bit I’ve had a lot of direct contact with situations that one would look at and wonder…Why? …Why God? 

… Someone struggling with mental illness, who loves the Lord, who genuinely seeks Him and yet is overcome with numbness, pain, struggle, experiencing loss and unable to seemingly gain any traction…

… A family working through the tragedy of losing a baby in a random house fire, grieving and having to pick up the pieces while dealing with the criticism of onlookers…

… Tropical storm/hurricane Nate coming in and causing millions of dollars worth of damage, destroying homes, taking lives…

When faced with these questions I’ve concluded that instead of questioning and trying to puzzle everything together (as I am prone to do) it is better to focus on who God is.  God is all knowing, His ways are greater (Isaiah 55:8-9), His definition of suffering is different than what we here on Earth view it as.  He is for us (Romans 8:28-31), He knows what’s best, and most importantly He is trustworthy.  It doesn’t mean He likes to see us in pain but He is able to use it for our greater good. In other (more eloquent) words: “…eternity has been planted in our heart [Ecclesiastes 3:11].  This refers to our innate human desire for ultimate meaning in life.  Yet in this life, our perspective and understanding are limited.  We can’t always understand why we suffer.  It is like looking at the underside of an Oriental rug.  All we see are knots and loose ends; we can only faintly make out the rug’s pattern.” – NLT Reflections on Ecclesiastes

Prayer/Praise: 
So even though Hurricane Nate paid us a visit and destroyed part of the road I needed to take to get to Nicaragua (in order to renew my visa) I was able to change my bus tickets and instead catch a flight the next day to Guatemala, all the while spending some wonderful quality time with Kate, a Stay member (Latin Link’s way of referencing long term missionaries).

Jana is here!  She is our new Strider (short term missionary) She’s going to be with us until April 2018.  This is a picture of her with her new Tica host mom.

• Along with Jana came a lovely cold for me! Wooo!  I would greatly appreciate prayer for lots of antibodies so that my body can heal and be stronger than ever!

• Today, I went to pay my rent and my landlady’s mother, who hasn’t been well seems to be getting worse.  She is usually waiting for me with a bright smile and we joke about all the boyfriends she has and how she had best be behaving; she gives me about a million kisses and sometimes I stay and watch the news with her or we have a glass of orange juice at the table while I ensure she takes all her medications.  Last month,  she had fallen and couldn’t remember who I was, today I got to see her and while she remembered who I was and flashed a classic smile, she didn’t want to get out of bed or eat, she just wanted to hold my hand.  I took some time after, to talk with my landlady who said that she hasn’t wanted to eat anything for days and things are very difficult in their home.  Please pray that God would bring healing into their home, that they would know and believe in Jesus and that she would be able to enjoy many more years!  Ultimately, His will be done, but I’m selfish and want her to stay a while longer :)

"And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it.  To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life – this is indeed a gift from God.  God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.” - Ecclesiastes 5:19-20

As someone who seems to fall into the brooding category more often than not this passage was a breath of fresh air.  May God keep us so engaged in savouring life that we have no time to dwell or stress!

Hi

I am Kayla!  Your friendly, neighbourhood  Short Term Coordinator!

Yesterday, I was asked: “Kayla tell me, what are your goals?  What are your dreams?”  I froze a little, all I could think of were the goals and dreams I once had: to be a physiotherapist and curling (the sport) superstar *insert cheering crowd and confetti*; I yearned for it, I wanted it soo badly, and yet, now, the idea seems so frivolous, so mediocre.   It startled me that I couldn’t think of anything aside from what I’d wanted in the past.  I felt like such a loser.  Who doesn’t have a quick response to that question?  Everyone has goals, everyone has dreams, why couldn’t I put anything into words? – Something concise, something that would be received easily like, “oh yea, Kayla,*insert thumbs up and a crisp high five* that’s a great goal!”  
Wanting to have a concise response seems to be a bit of a theme.  I get asked about what it is that I do and sometimes I feel almost embarrassed when I try to explain.  The responses are usually something along the lines of: “ah, short term coordinator?  What is that?  Oh I see, so you coordinate all things related to short term missions.  So how many teams do you get?  Oh… just ONE a year?  That’s a not very many…how many individuals do you have right now?  None?!? Wow…so what do you even do with your time?”  which can leave me feeling judged, like I have to prove myself, to justify my calling, or explain all the other aspects of my relational ministry, and be tempted into feeling like they aren’t even things.   Which can avalanche into me wondering if I am doing something wrong or not managing my time appropriately.  I have emotional ups and downs, some days I feel very productive and others like an incompetent bum.  At times, I long for a quick, short response that doesn’t require explanation: “I build houses” or “I train the local soccer team” but then other days I’m so delighted that I don’t have a quick wrap it up and send it on it’s way response, because my eclectic, at times lengthy, response requires spending time with someone and even though I might feel pressured to, I don’t have to validate myself to everyone.
I have those moments where I feel that I don’t do enough, that I’m not trying hard enough, that I am not enough.  Reality is, I am enough.  I am doing what I have been called to do,  to be present, to be available, to encourage, to be genuine.  I strategically placed myself in side projects where they don’t need me in order to function.  Why?  It gives me freedom to be flexible, it means if I get called to a meeting or someone needs some help I can go and the machine keeps running.  It requires teamwork, community, fellowship and helps prevent developing a God complex (which is when people get sucked into thinking that they are the reason that something is working vs. the reality that God is actually the one running the ship).
The woman who runs the sewing group came up to me last week and out of no where said “You are such a great help to me!”  What do I even do? I don’t bring her supplies? I don’t help her teach? I literally sit in her class, demand hugs, giggle, and simply spend time with the women and their children.  “You are here, we love you, and we love spending time with you!”

This idea of being present and intentionally ‘hanging out’ was what I tried to instil to this year’s Step team!  And they nailed it!  It was such a huge success!  God is so good!  The team picked up what was being thrown at them, they were so flexible and great!  The experience was so incredibly positive, the community was welcoming and absolutely adored the team.  We were able to slide into the routine of the town and be present with them.  We were able to get into the local (secular) school and twice a day witness to the children and teachers through English lessons, music, and crafts, that Jesus loves them. 













 They even tried nanches (it’s a type of fruit):  --> CLICK HERE TO SEE!!!



Praise!

my visa trip went oh so smooth – aside from the 3 hour wait on the tarmac….but government official wise- SO GREAT!

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• Step team was a DREAM! 
  

“Faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”     Hebrews 1:11

Prayer

• One of our Stay members has been having some complications with her eyes, please pray for complete healing and that the pressure would stabilize and she would be blessed with full sight.
• I’ve got some sort of congestion going on, it’s rather annoying and I would just love for my body to be healthy and immune to the smog/ash and general things in the air that make my throat scratchy and my nose stuffy.
• I have some potential Striders in the works and there are a few of which I have no idea what to do.  I would love to have some peace and insight into what I should do and for a project to reveal itself if this is where these Striders are to be.

Vicissitude.

…successive, alternating, or changing phases or conditions, as of life or fortune; ups and downs…aka the thesaurus’ fancy way of saying change!

I feel like there is SO much on my mind, that I want to share everything that I have been learning this past while, but honestly, there isn’t enough time or way to tangibly transfer what’s been coming at me…I wish there was a way to just pass the sensation or express how amazing it feels when the Holy Spirit is moving, piecing things together, spoiling you (I will always be the first to declare how super spoiled I am!) I feel so *caution this is going to sound soooo cheesy and cliché* blessed!  Lately, every time I sit down and carve out some time to listen to a sermon, sing some songs or just generally banter with the Big Guy;  He dumps revelation on me…honestly I don’t even know how to describe it.. it’s like the greatest, most  warmest, most snuggliest hug you can picture and just when you think it couldn’t get any better you are showered in soft golden sparkly glitter (that doesn’t leave a mess…. obviously!) *siiigh, I just pictured it hahaha!  We’re done here let’s go home, there’s nothing left to say! 

Psych!  There are SO many things to say!  Firstly, let’s get something out of the way…. My peoples!  I am thirty…. THIRTY!!!!   Can you believe it?!  My brother is in heaven because apparently it excites him that I’ve hit a new decade, and to be honest, it excites me too!  I thought I would have had a hard time with the acceptance etc.. but I actually feel great, privileged and encouraged – like I’m embarking on something new and exciting, it’s like when you go to get on a plane and you’re walking through that little hallway and you finally mount the aircraft!  There are many people who don’t reach this 3rd floor (as they say here) and I am honoured that not only have I made it, but God’s got me in a place that I never would have ever imagined I would be. 

God is always moving.

Transitioning.

Creating opportunities to encounter the unfamiliar.

Changing.

Change can be a scary thing, it can be a wonderful thing, it can be a sad thing….as I listened to a sermon this morning (Click here to hear it!) Change is the only constant in this world.  Sometimes we want to stay where we are at in the “illusion of safety” in what is comfortable, in the known…we can be tempted to settle.  To settle with where we are at, with an abusive relationship, with a job that pays well but isn’t fulfilling…etc.  One of the coolest things that I’ve been  grasping lately is that God doesn’t allow me to settle.  Sometimes I try…I really do, and like a good rebellious child i raise a resistance, I question everything.. “God, why isn’t this working?  What am I doing wrong?”  and sometimes the answer is simply “Oye, Kayla, this (insert whatever) isn’t good enough for you!  Your standard is higher, you’re worth more!”  Which at times is a hard pill to swallow.  Sometimes, having a standard requires waiting, having difficult conversations (with others or myself), it’s not always the easiest path, sometimes too, it entails being misunderstood and instead of trying to force enlightenment you just have to leave it and trust that God will work it out in HIS timing.  My inner control freak just adores releasing *she says while frantically grasping for a way to regain the steering wheel – which I find funny because I know in my heart and mind that God is a better driver but my instinct is to go at that wheel, and sometimes if God lets me take it, I panic and am like “AHH! Why did you give this to me:!???! You and I both know I can’t handle it! Take it back!!!”  heehee, what can I say, I’m a complex lady! ;)
Praise/Prayer!

• July 14 my Step team arrives, everything has been happening so quickly I cannot believe they are almost here!  Please cover us in prayer as we work in a northern community with a focus on children/adolescents and encouraging the community and surrounding communities.  Please pray for opportunities and that a schedule would emerge and that the team would work seamlessly with the local congregation.  Please pray for safety and wisdom to all team members (our youngest is 2.5 years old! – we’ll probably have her give the sermon on Sunday). 
• Selfishly, I would like prayer for my sinuses and general health – do not be alarmed I am fine, but I’m coming into a busy season and I would like to be my best, most healthiest self! 

Challenge:  “…You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colours in the world. God is not a secret to be kept…be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God…” -Matt 5:14-16 (The MSG)

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way”

- 2 Thes 3:16

Spring!

My friends!  Just like spring flowers I have sprung back into your lives!  Hopefully, you missed me, if not…just pretend eh ;)
1 Kings 19:11-13

“ ….When Elijah heard it he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave…”

Where was God?  In the giant wind? The following earthquake or fire? Or was He in the subtle quiet wind which followed?  It would seem that sometimes it is easy to become distracted by the giant gusts of wind, the world shaking earthquakes and the scorching fire.  It would be easy to mistake any of them for God (He’s a pretty robust fella)… but I wonder, is that who God really is?  Is something from God just because it’s big and loud?  I mean he came to Earth as a little baby, born in a manger (essentially a pig pen…dirty, smelly- haha! Imagine Mary “Jesus, clean your room, it’s disgusting!  Were you born in a barn?!” “mmm yeah mom, I literally was…” haha!)

For those of you not familiar with 1 Kings 19, Jezebel (Queen of Israel) has threatened to kill Elijah because in chapter 18 Elijah killed all the prophets of Baal (a false god whom Jezebel worshiped).  Elijah, understandably, is afraid and flees to Mt. Sinai, he asks God to kill him because he doesn’t see any other way out – which I find ironic as he fled from Jezebel because she wants to kill him…  

So God calls Elijah out onto the mountain and passes by and a mighty windstorm hits the mountain, followed by an earthquake and then a fire, but the Bible says that God wasn’t in any of them.  God shows himself to Elijah not in a great wind, powerful earthquake or a flamboyant fire…"and after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper” (v12) He came as a gentle whisper!The word that resonates is gentle.

It’s not as easy to sense something gentle, many times you need to be aware.  Elijah was aware, he was on the mountain – God had told him to go there and then he whispered to him- how amazing that must have been, having God literally whisper in your ear..*psssst Elijah….your fly’s open jajaja!  kidding!  But seriously, i think sometimes we wait for God to make some sort of elaborate grand gesture – which He is totally capable of – but actually perhaps He’s been saying something the entire time but we got distracted by the wind or fire and forgot to wait around for the whisper.

Something has been nagging at me for about 7 months now.  Tormenting me, disturbing my spirit, I haven’t known what to do with it.  Thinking perhaps i have been fabricating something or overreacting.  Since it started I have constantly taken it to God asking for clarification, wisdom…direction to know how to react to this inquietud (which means like restlessness or anxious).  Sensing things, but not being able to discern a straight answer and being very uneasy about the constant murmur which has persisted but i have been too afraid to act on. 

Then, the other night it dawned on me, that this situation is very similar to what I went through back in 2010 when I realized that I would be coming back down to Costa Rica for a term, meaning that I wouldn’t be able to play with my curling team in the upcoming season.  I knew that I had to tell the girls, so they could find a replacement (good luck though, I'm one of a kind! haha!) they needed to know, but my heart was broken, torn –it made me sick to think about and I couldn’t bear it.  However, it needed to be done and I knew God was calling me back to CR, it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, it was painful and difficult…until I finally got the words out (after a tear-filled breakdown) I was received with such love and support it was though the heavy backpack I had been carrying was finally taken off.  I felt so relieved and at peace and from that moment on it was as though God super charged me.  I had confidence and peace about the decision I had energy and focus – I was no longer distracted by stressing about what my girls would say, how mad they would be (which they had every right to be, we had been seriously training and me leaving ruined that plan, i felt so guilty – how could I let them down like that? especially so close to season starting?)  Yet, once I finally got the words out all the “what ifs?” disappeared.  I had done my job, I was faithful and God rewarded me by alleviating my overactive mind and giving me complete peace.

So this week, I will be listening to the murmur and stepping out of my comfort zone, I would ask that you join me in prayer that the situation goes well and that God would give me the right words, tone and presence.  That I would be able to leave the situation with the same peace and confidence that He blessed me with back in 2010!

Fare thee well February!

Hello my wonderful and beautiful supporters!  I am so sorry to have neglected you for ..oh my!  The past three months!!! My apologies, I will try to make it up to you with an epic update!  I’m sure you have many or at least a few questions…
Question 1:  Kayla!!? Where the heck have you been!??!
Well, I have been MANY places!  I have been in Costa Rica, Canada and Costa Rica again!  Over Christmas break my amazing babe of a brother surprised everyone (Including me) by whisking me up North to celebrate with everyone and enjoy the winter wonderland that has been the lower mainland!  Once back in Costa Rica I got very very sick with a bacterial infection in my throat along with some allergy attacks and spent a fair bit of time in my bed.  I also had a Central America team conference –which our Costa Rica team hosted, translated for a medical caravan (680 patients in 3 days), started back up at school (for those of you who don’t remember I am getting a certificate in biblical counselling) and just this weekend finished up a week and a bit of translating for a visiting evangelist from the ol’ U.S. of A! 
Question 2:  Do we get to see pictures?!Yes, you sure do!

My Christmas twins!  I love my Chandler men! – Even if they don’t recognize me when I try to say “Hi” to them *Yes, my dad ignored me when I tried to say hello… He claims ignorance…

Latin Link Central America Conference 2017 in Heredia, Costa Rica

Ran into some old friends and made some new ones during the medical caravan in Carpio!





A few pictures from last week’s adventure in Alejuelita (translating)






Question 3: It sounds like you have been and are very busy…shouldn’t you be studying and not writing to us?That is a good point, I will get you some praise and prayer points and then be on my merry way!

Praise

- I learned how to make healthy ice cream our of bananas!  Healthy AND delicious!

- These past two weeks and I have made numerous new contacts and am VERY excited about what the future holds!  (Last night I got to go help out at a homeless shelter and it was soo much fun!  I love meeting new people!)

- I just love you guys, my supporters!  I may not know who all of you are but I am grateful for each and everyone of you!  Today I was listening to a seminar about supporters and I just reflected on the faithfulness and love that is shown to me!  I am very blessed!  Thank you for being a part of that (be is prayerfully or financially…or both!)

Prayer
- I have been connected with a refugee family(4)  from El Salvador and we are praying that all their paperwork gets together and that God leads them to where they need to go.  They were originally going to be staying with me for a minimum of 2 weeks, but God provided an apartment for them a few blocks from my home, so now we get to be neighbours and visit each others homes to shower when our water cuts off!  They are so delightful!  Please keep them in prayer as this transition came very quickly – they only had two days to pack up their entire lives and everything they left is still in limbo.  Costa Rica is very expensive especially compared to El Salvador and so please pray that God provides work for the husband and/or wife.  I am also asking you to pray for their emotional well being, they have been through something very traumatic and their future has a lot of unknowns, please pray that God would envelope them in peace and comfort knowing that He has everything under control.
- My mom had an accident at work a little while ago and it seems that she has a concussion and it has been causing her pain and affected her vision.  Please pray that God would heal her ASAP.  Actually, on that topic, last night I met a girl, Elizabeth, at the homeless shelter who has been on the streets since she was 14.  She has a growth in her brain.  Last night I prayed that God would heal her of that and I encourage you to join me.  She is not a believer and wasn’t very open to the idea of it, but she allowed me to pray over her for healing and safety (she hitchhikes and rides the trains, she has been all over North and Central America and is currently planning to head to South America). If she comes to mind, or for that matter if you remember Wendy or Yessenia (2 other women I met last night)  please lift them up.  Wendy was raised by her grandparents who have now passed away – she started crying talking about them and I noticed that she has a lot of heaviness in her demeanour (she also suffers from physical pain which I noticed especially when she tried walking).  Yess is a single mother who is separated form her child (9) and does not know when they will be reunited.  I could go on from others that I met but those three came to mind just now.  My heart aches for them and yet at the same time is overjoyed to have spent just a few hours with them.
-My English classes will be starting back up this Saturday, please pray for students, good curriculum and that we will have a lot of fun!
- Please pray God would continue to provide nourishing and fulfilling FUN friendships!  And that he would keep me healthy :)  I am also taking into light some projects I have come across recently and seeking The Lord’s will if He would have me serve in a greater capacity with any ..or all of them!

Needy, thy name is Kayla.

This morning I opened up my devotional:

“Let me infuse My Peace into your innermost being.  As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you.  This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.
     In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness.  However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me; placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident.  Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself.  You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work.  You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.”

- Jesus Calling, 2004

As I read through this one of the things that stuck out to me was the line: “placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident”.   Which, essentially sums up this year for me.   I have had times where I have felt so completely depleted of all energy and confidence in my ability to discern what I am hearing from God, doubting just about everything and second guessing to the point of making myself sick.  It has felt like I have had the metaphorical rug pulled out from under me and have not been able to get back up, I just keep slipping and falling back down.

Someone gave me a good visual: it’s like you’re blindfolded and keep getting punched but you can’t defend yourself because you don’t know where the punches are coming from.  Feeling so exposed and as though my weaknesses were being broadcast for all to see and judge, that the solution was so simple and yet I couldn’t grasp it.   In the midst of all this still feeling excited that I was lucky enough to experience all this supposed failure, knowing that it was making a better person and that God did have purpose for it all.  Then having moments when I would say “Hey God, lets take a break, I think here’s an okay place to rest” and having Him respond “Oooh my wee Kayla, we’re just about to jump off another cliff!  Didn’t you get the memo?  OH wait, no, I didn’t send you one! Geronimooo!” 

Quite the journey!  At times, super fun and at other times I have just wanted to curl up in ball in the corner and lock myself in my room.  Dealing with inequity, not knowing who is trustworthy, feeling so fragile and ridiculous, having to constantly remind myself that I serve a BIG God who sees everything and that no matter how I feel or what I think I see, He sees more and His plan is way better than mine.  Being scared is not an excuse, but something to push past – like the Mega Tarzan Swing – sometimes all you have to do is close your eyes and ask to be pushed (after unlocking your foot from the gate, of course!).  At the end of the day it doesn’t always matter how long you took to jump, it’s “did you jump?”

These past few months have brought many fun adventures:

• I went to Nicaragua with one of my teammates and we had a lot of fun, the trip was carefree and relaxing!  Thank you for those of you who were praying.

• My brother came and left!  We had SUCH an amazing time!!! I’m a very lucky lady, I was spoiled and it was wonderful!  For those of you who were praying for an excellent time, it surpassed!  It was everything I could have imagined and more!  I love my brother and it would appear that he loves me too! 
  
• I finally bought bedroom curtains, they are beautiful!

Prayer

• Hurricane Otto passed through Costa Rica last week and the affects have been devastating.  One of the places that was hit the hardest was up north (Upala, Bagaces).  I have helped with many teams up there in the past and have friends in some of the communities that were hit, some of whom have lost their homes and loved ones.  The church where I was in August with the Step team was flooded (last I had heard it was knee deep) and the Pastor lost some family members.  We are very grateful that God spared the Central Valley, but are grieved by what has happened in the North and South of Costa Rica.  I am very grateful that God kept many of my friends and their homes safe – some have opened up their homes as refuges for those who lost everything.  Many of the school gyms/churches are being used as shelters for the time being.  Please keep Costa Rica in your prayers that those in authority would have wisdom to know how to repair and distribute the donations pouring in from all over the country.  Please pray for morale and that through this tough time God’s grace would shine through and bring joy into these communities!
  

“[She] is no fool to give what [she] cannot keep to gain that which [she] cannot lose.” - Jim Elliot

I would appear that I’m like catnip for little girls…I am around and they are immediately entranced!  Recently, there have been two in particular who just run at me – we’re talking leaping hugs, latch on and do not let go, tell me how much they love me, how pretty I am, they snuggle, thank me for hanging out with them, give me just the most amazing hugs, they play with my hair….did I mention the amazing snuggle hugs?! It’s been great for the ‘ol self esteem! 
It’s no wonder God calls us to come at him like little children…it feels amazing!

The thing about children though…they’re moody.  They throw tantrums.  They cry…they have meltdowns… over the tiniest of things at times.  For example: “I love you, you’re so great, and pretty and wonderful, can’t you just stay with me forever?!  Wait?  What?! You want me to put on socks?! For my own good so I don’t get cold?!  I DO NOT want to be wearing socks right now! How could you even ask me that?!?!” *Insert tears and pause for scream.  The world is now ending at this point.  However, a few minutes later, with socks on, “hmm, this isn’t so bad, I love you!  So much!  I love my socks and I love life!”
I feel like we have all been there, maybe it’s not socks God asks you to put on perhaps he says “Hey Kayla, take a breather, I need you to wait a bit” and I’m over here thinking, “Yeah, that’s cool, I can wait, I’ve learned a thing or two about patience, I’m probably like a patience pro by now…”  then days turn to weeks, weeks to months…you see where I’m going with this (basically, the subconscious timeline I’ve given Him is way past it’s expiry).  Then it comes…the meltdown: God?! What am I doing wrong?!?  Why are we still here?!?!” *pulls out hair and calls mom crying haha! Waiting can seem like the hardest thing EVER! If not kept in check your mind races and jumps to conclusions, doubt strolls in and sets up camp – and let me tell you he is not a considerate camper!
Welcome to past few months of my life!  A while ago, I chalked everything up to me just desiring control, then I dug deeper and was like “hmm, kayla? Why do you even care about the control? What is the fear driving that desire for control?” (I felt pretty smug about that one).  THEN, I realized there was more digging to be done so I dug even deeper and discovered something ugly…something my mom had suggested months ago and I brushed off (yes, Mooom, you were right!  Even writing this I want to change/manipulate the wording to make it sound not so pathetic/embarrassing haha!) okay…as it turns out, I have….the pride! *bows head in shame!
This past week I witnessed just how much pride has been affecting me, it has wriggled it’s way into so many areas of my life (I picture little, really skinny plant roots sneakily infiltrating…they’re so small that if you don’t pay attention you miss them).  I saw myself without the veil of Jesus, and that kayla is so ugly, she’s selfish, stubborn, obsessive, jealous…I could go on, but the thought of what I’m really like under the hood has me on the brink of tears..case and point: kayla without Jesus is disgusting, the stuff nightmares are made of!
So what do we do with this?! I mean I guess you’re fine you don’t have to see her every single day.  But, I have to hang out with this nightmare….all the time!  Everyday…she’s always around!  Gross! 
Fear not!  there’s great news which is that in Jesus, I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and if I repent of my sins, God will forgive me (Acts 3:19, Isaiah 44:22) and even though He knows nightmare kayla rears her ugly head - fairly frequently if we’re being honest!  He still chooses to see me through Jesus lenses (1 John 1:7, Titus 2:14, Ephesians 1:7) and just sees a beautiful creation and says to himself “Oooo look at that kayla!  What a babe! Man, I do good work!” (Ephesians 2:10).  It’s so exciting to see how God uses everything to bring glory to Himself; like if I could do all the work in and of myself, people wouldn’t be able to see God at work – it wouldn’t draw them nearer to Him (that includes me too, it helps me build a more intimate relationship with Him!).  I’m that car crash which is so horrifying you can’t look away! You’re drawn in! haha OR you see Jesus in my life and are wooed by the beauty in me!  …He and I are also working on humility…. heehee! (Obviously, the beauty is all Jesus – if you don’t remember what kayla is like, backtrack a few paragraphs up).

Okay!  So I know I’ve left you hanging for a few months and I have SO many things I want to share – however, I know that you also have lives and don’t have all week to read about my past few months so we will power point through and maybe, just maybe I’ll delight you with a SECOND post this month!
JULY brought us:

• Missions week with my local church – super fun, made friends, worked hard in the kitchen – no one died from my cooking * well technically I was more in charge of coffee and washing dishes but either way, I didn’t poison anybody and my excellent coffee making reputation is still going strong! 

In AUGUST (aka August of Awesomeness):

• The arrival of my 3 week Step team!  We worked with a local church building into the community not only physically, but relationally as well!  It definitely had it’s challenges, I saw God’s grace in many of the participants and was super impressed with what He did in me- as we now know, I'm not the easiest of vessels! Being given that grace and wisdom to handle some tricky situations and the exhilaration that comes after having someone come up to you and be like “You handled that situation like a pro!” So legit!  I definitely would not have been able to do that on my own!

• 
• The departure of all 3 of my Striders, they all went back to their respective countries and have all started university now.

SEPTEMBER:

• I had a few business/pleasure weekend trips – the perks of loving your business is that it makes your trips pleasureful! (That is now a word!).
• Many new friendships/connections – most of which were sparked because of me being open about my recent struggles/hurts/mirror gazing.  It’s pretty cool how God uses things!  How we suffer so that we can be the vessels to comfort others *cue the Circle of Life soundtrack

There are so many things I’d like to share – which is partially why I’ve taken SO long to get anything out, turns out I have perfectionist tendencies and couldn’t focus enough to make a post worthy of the gates of heaven!  Also, I was mentally exhausted after my August of Awesomeness, amongst other things!
Okay before you become mentally exhausted from this novel lets get some PRAISE and PRAYER REQUESTS in:

1. Monday I am going to Nicaragua.  Please, first of all thank God that He provided me with someone to adventure with!  Then please pray for safe travel.  Pray that this time away would be a time of true rest (spiritually and physically) and that it would be rejuvenating for our souls (haha that sounds so cheesy – I’m keeping it anyway!)
2. My old roommate, Marianela had her baby on Friday so please pray that her, her boyfriend, Allan and baby Elisa would stay in good health and seek the Lord!
3. One of the girls in my English class has decided to walk away from the Lord because in her words she “wants to try out living in the world” – it was a huge bummer for the class, we’ve been praying for her (M).  However, we are excited to announce that we’ve also been praying for new friends/students and this week I met 2 very interested perspectives!  It was a great morale boost for them!
4. For my pride…that God would really fill me with the Holy Spirit and that I would be able to release hurts, accept His forgiveness, and experience true healing!
5. I almost forgot!  I’ve been asked to speak at some sort of mission focused bible study event on the 18th.  Please pray God reveals what I need to share and gives me the grace to speak well and get His message across.
6. ALSO MY BROTHER WILL BE HERE IN LESS THANK FOUR WEEEKS!!!!!!!!!!! Pray he has safe travel and comes bearing many gifts! heehee In all seriousness, please pray our time would be a huge blessing and that we would be able to fully enjoy our time together and that He would experience some Jesus and decide he’d like a piece of the action!

Okay, that’s enough for right now :)  If you ever feel like, “ah! I just can’t get enough kayla, I need to know more!”  feel free to write to me, or call or come visit ;)  Basically, don’t be afraid to contact me, I don’t bite – usually!