Where's the Zeal?

The other day I sat down at my table and, like I do before just about every update, I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and started going through my calendar and journal to see what happened since I last wrote; what stands out?  Writing down the highlights and lowlights and then taking some time to pray about what to share.  This time the list was kind of dull, I thought “do people really want to hear about all the meetings, conferences, trainings, meetings, retreats, meetings, administrative responsibilities and dare I mention *smirk*… the meetings that I’ve participated in, led, and helped develop?”  Perhaps…but I don’t want to tell you about them!  Heehee!  Instead, I decided that with all the stresses, fear, negativity and just disappointments  I would take the time to make a list of things I love, a gratitude list, if you will – one thing for everyday until Christmas!   Initially, my intention was to share it with you, but as I wrote and wrote… and wrote and wrote, I looked back and thought that while I’m very happy to share with anyone and everyone things that I am grateful for it could be nice to give you the chance to make your own list – instead of reading mine.  What are you grateful for?  What are 3 good things that have happened this past week?  What is worth celebrating? 

Celebrating?! Kayla aren’t you aware we’re in a pandemic, we’re locked up, our hands are tied, people keep telling us what we can and cannot do… this is a nightmare and not worthy of celebration!!

Yes,  we are in a less than ideal time.  Yes, there are plenty of reasons to have a case of the sads, the grumpies, the bitters… but also, through these things reasons for joy, hope and community have emerged!  Now this is by no means a shame on you for having some rough times, mental health is important and I too go through the different stages of grief on quite a regular basis.  I have beat myself up for feeling sad and bored while people have literally lost all their belongings in hurricanes, have lost loved ones, don’t have a safe place to go, are displaced, don’t know where their next meal is going to come from.  Even thinking about it now, my heart breaks.  I wish I could fix everything, help everyone and basically make everything better…but spoiler alert… I can’t.  I’m not God and this isn’t heaven.  Things will never be perfect here.

People will fail.
There will be injustice.

However, does that mean we throw in the towel and call it quits?! …. Yes!?…..kidding!  NO!! Of course not!!

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer!” - Romans 12:10-15

It is easy to feel kicked around, beat up, exhausted and discouraged - especially this year!  Certain coping techniques and outlets for stress and frustrations aren’t available, so how am I supposed to be joyful, keep my fervour and not lose my zeal? 

By loving on others!  How could you honour someone else today? 

I have reflected on the difference a year can make,  365 days ago, I was in a very different place – physically.  However, emotionally, spiritually I can see how what I experienced and foundations that were laid  have helped me during this time.  Hindsight is 2020 and I already know that when we look back we will see the blessings that have been poured out in this mind boggling, heart wrenching, emotional roller coaster of a year! 

On that note, here are 3 good things that have happened this last week:

1. I now have a bike!  It belongs to the agency but I’m the caretaker and sole rider at the moment!
2. I got to spend like 2 hours talking to my grandparents the other night, and grandpa’s hearing aids were working perfectly!  I didn’t even have to raise my voice for him to hear me once! (Usually, I have to yell into the phone for him to hear me)
3. My mum’s Annual Baking Fundraiser has started!!! It’s always really encouraging for me to see all the response and support.  It makes me feel so loved and excited about what God is doing, how He works and just generally I’m happy people get to enjoy the delicious goodies made with love.  The first year my mum started it, she didn’t mention anything about it until she called me to tell me she was putting  a little something extra into my account!  Now many of you know, I absolutely adore (good) surprises!  The downside with loving them so much, is that I’m constantly thinking about them, aware of surprise opportunities/possibilities!  This makes pulling one over on me very difficult!  However, she got me good, it was a 2 x 1 surprise; I was completely blindsided (in the best way! – made me cry, I felt so loved!)  AND I got a little extra boost in the funding department!   If you are interested in checking out the order form click the link:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/203869554553757 check out our Facebook group where there are some pictures and info on how it all works!

Prayer:

• Central America and parts of South America were hit by 2 hurricanes last month.  People who have already lost family members, community, and supplies were further displaced.  The damage is gut wrenching!
• For deep rest,  I have been struggling with sleeping well.
• We have a family coming out on Stride, Lord willing, mid February.  I would appreciate prayer for wisdom so I can do all the prep work.  The family is coming with 2 small children and one in the oven!  So it will be exciting and definitely something new for me, the learning curve will be steep I’m sure!  I am excited and a tiny bit nervous.
• Discernment would be great as I look into moving my blog to a more updated platform.  The factors are different now, and change is almost always hard.  Pray for strength, haha, nd decisivness.  It seems silly to ask for prayer about this, but I sensed I should so there it is :) 

How are you?

What a concept eh?  How many times have you heard some form of “how are you?”  It’s usually how we greet one another… for me it can carry the stigma of ‘do they really want to know or are they just being polite?’ Do I give the easy concise response or attempt to share…

“I’m bad… but good… but not great… but actually I’m generally happy… actually ask me again in 15 minutes and lets see where I’m at then!”  Some days it can feel like a teeter totter, ups and downs and occasionally you find the ‘sweet spot’ of being perfectly balanced in the middle.

Ah the joy of having feelings! Am I right?

When I sat down to figure out what to share in this update three words came to mind: 

- Faithfulness

- Social

- Opportunities

“...then Jacob awoke from his sleep & said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it.” - Genesis 28:16

This passage has been on my heart for a few weeks now and the other day I went in and read the whole chapter and was like “oh wait, that’s not originally the vibe I presumed’  I thought it was going to be something romanticized about how much God loves us and how He’s always around *cue cheesy Christian music, add a glossy soft light shining down from heaven.  Then, today I was processing it again and realized that this chapter relates to the words that came to mind when I pondered on what to write for this month’s update!

Faithfulness – For those of you not familiar with bible stuff, Jacob is kind of a deviant – actually lets just call it what it is he’s a sneaky sneak who is, on the whole, not a super great guy – he stole from his brother, tricked his dad, has mommy issues and honestly probably didn’t even have a great beard (his brother Esau was the hairy one, Jacob was like your dainty, soft hands, not the one you want helping you carry the couch – to go in for a second Friends reference he was the Chandler when they had to carry Ross’ new couch).  AND YET, even though Jacob deserves literally nothing God still is going to give Jacob the land he was promised, he’s still going to be with him… he’s STILL going to use Jacob’s family line to bless the entire world! What?!? God are you serious?? This guy?? And yet God says “all the families of the earth will be blessed through you and your descendants.  What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go…I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” (v14-15).  Jacob deserves nothing, he’s broken quite a few commandments, who knows if he’s even repented yet and still God isn’t throwing him back…He remains faithful, even when Jacob isn’t.

Social – What a weird word to have come at you right? Wrong!  One of the things that I have found to be both refreshing and stressful is the amount of alone time with Kayla this pandemic has cultivated.  She’s great don’t get me wrong, but also… she’s not that great haha! I am quite a social lady and the lack of physical visiting has definitely brought on a variety of emotions.  Yet, in all of it i have God reminding me that He’s around and that He will not leave, no matter how many times I fail on the simplest of things. “I am with you” (v15).  Even though I don’t get to be as social as I would like, I am not alone.

Opportunities – There are so many great opportunities that have been coming out of this season, I have been able to continue to learn how to rest, reconnect with people (local and abroad).  I have been able to work through times of anxiety, panic and stress, learning to literally ask myself “okay, where is God in this?” confront my fears and practice giving them to God then trusting He will take care of it - easier said than done, but poco a poco :)  Aside from my personal spiritual journey I have been invited into the journies of many others,  with the restrictions and lock downs, not being able to go out I have gotten to know my neighbours on a deeper level,  I am taking advantage of a ton of online courses and resources and putting a lot of the new knowledge straight to use!

 

So I'm reading through these passages, making connections, judging Jacob…because obviously I would never behave so heinously, until it dawns on me… “hmm…I think…I am…Jacob…... Kaycob!"  What a disappointing and sobering punch to the gut; I've lied, I've sneaked, I can’t grow a sweet beard…

How embarrassing!   

So, what’s the take away, what can you add to your bank of knowledge and reflect on when times are tougher?  Well, we are deeply loved by God, we don’t deserve it!  Yet, He loves and wants us, He is faithful.  He wants to spend time and be social with us and He is constantly giving us opportunities to participate in what He’s doing.  If you beleive and trust those things, what would it look like in your day to day?

 

Praise:

• opportunities for training and study.
• I’m very grateful for good friends and easy conversation

Prayer:

• One  of the pastors that I work with (Pastor M) just let me know that his whole family has been experiencing Covid symptoms, thankfully the family seems to be doing well and now he is the only one with heavier symptoms – pray for healing for him and his family, and continued support.  He runs a church in a low income area and since the pandemic started has been organizes and giving out food to families in need.
• Thank you for your prayers, I pray that this week your hearts with find rest and you will be able to find joy in your day to day. 

"I'm not doing anything…" a small persistent voice continues …"I must do, and therefore be…”

 

 ^“But the Lord said to her, ”My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details!  There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 – Luke 10:41-42

For those of you unfamiliar with Bible stuff basically what happened is there were 2 sisters, Mary and Martha, who had invited Jesus and his entourage to their house.  Martha was frantically racing around worrying about all the preparations; her sister Mary was supposed to be helping her but instead had escaped to go and listen to Jesus’ talk (teach).  Martha was understandably upset – imagine having 15 or so dinner guests (one being The MESSIAH- literal saviour of the world!) and you’re responsible for feeding them! So Martha went to Jesus and complained about Mary’s lack of help and the above was Jesus’ response to her.  (If you want to read the whole story, click here)

We are in a time where it is very easy to get caught Martha-ing, trying to get everything done (or even panicking because we’re not doing enough!), to fill our time, to be ‘productive’ and sadly we can overlook the opportunity we have been given

to sit.

To breathe.

To simply be present. 

Sitting at Jesus feet doesn’t look like filling your schedule full of online sermons, bible studies, meetings, devotionals, etc…  It’s giving yourself space and the freedom to listen, to release your tight grip on wanting to control and know and plan and look like you’re being productive.  Mary wasn’t worried about the kitchen; she was solely focused on Who was right in front of her.

What are your kitchen preparations?

What is causing you anxiety? What are you striving for?  What are you trying to do, when you simply need to take a page out of Mary’s book and be present with Jesus?  What would that look like for you?

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I can’t believe I haven’t updated in almost a year!? Where does the time go?! If you asked last year Kayla how she thought the next year was going to play out I can assure you she had no idea what was in store!  She didn’t know of the challenges she would soon face, the crippling fear, that feeling of having the rug pulled out from underneath you…

These past 11 months have known brokenness, loss, fear, sadness, frustration; I have felt misunderstood, criminalized, betrayed…simply put, I have hurt, deeply.  And yet! Through all of it there has been joy, not the superficial smile on your face no tears kind of joy but rather real joy, the joy that comes from knowing who the God I serve is, knowing that He will work things out for good, knowing that no matter what happens He won’t leave me, He sees me and knows my needs, He loves me!

I have had to learn to let go, to really release the desire to control, to know what’s going to happen next, and instead, like Peter walking on the water keep my eyes focused on Jesus and keep moving forward, towards Him.  Scary, but also invigorating!

Courage is not the absence of fear; it is acting in spite of it. -Mark Twain.

We are allowed to feel fear, but we are not to let it control us.  Death has been defeated, Jesus has conquered, and we can trust Him!

Praise:

-          While there were many roller coasters, I had an amazing time at home in Canada.  I was able to reconnect with so many friends and family.  It was really encouraging

Prayer:

-          Like the rest of the world Costa Rica has also been affected by the pandemic and are currently preparing for an increase of cases as many foreigners have breached the border and entered.  It is said that many were carrying the virus.

-          I was recently given the opportunity to do a Global Sofa with Latin Link and share a little bit of my experience so far:

-          For continued protection and blessing – emotional, spiritual, and physical

-          If you need to talk, or just someone to listen please feel free to contact me, I would love to pray with you and hopefully bring some encouragement.