I would appear that I’m like catnip for little girls…I am around and they are immediately entranced! Recently, there have been two in particular who just run at me – we’re talking leaping hugs, latch on and do not let go, tell me how much they love me, how pretty I am, they snuggle, thank me for hanging out with them, give me just the most amazing hugs, they play with my hair….did I mention the amazing snuggle hugs?! It’s been great for the ‘ol self esteem!
It’s no wonder God calls us to come at him like little children…it feels amazing!
The thing about children though…they’re moody. They throw tantrums. They cry…they have meltdowns… over the tiniest of things at times. For example: “I love you, you’re so great, and pretty and wonderful, can’t you just stay with me forever?! Wait? What?! You want me to put on socks?! For my own good so I don’t get cold?! I DO NOT want to be wearing socks right now! How could you even ask me that?!?!” *Insert tears and pause for scream. The world is now ending at this point. However, a few minutes later, with socks on, “hmm, this isn’t so bad, I love you! So much! I love my socks and I love life!”
I feel like we have all been there, maybe it’s not socks God asks you to put on perhaps he says “Hey Kayla, take a breather, I need you to wait a bit” and I’m over here thinking, “Yeah, that’s cool, I can wait, I’ve learned a thing or two about patience, I’m probably like a patience pro by now…” then days turn to weeks, weeks to months…you see where I’m going with this (basically, the subconscious timeline I’ve given Him is way past it’s expiry). Then it comes…the meltdown: God?! What am I doing wrong?!? Why are we still here?!?!” *pulls out hair and calls mom crying haha! Waiting can seem like the hardest thing EVER! If not kept in check your mind races and jumps to conclusions, doubt strolls in and sets up camp – and let me tell you he is not a considerate camper!
Welcome to past few months of my life! A while ago, I chalked everything up to me just desiring control, then I dug deeper and was like “hmm, kayla? Why do you even care about the control? What is the fear driving that desire for control?” (I felt pretty smug about that one). THEN, I realized there was more digging to be done so I dug even deeper and discovered something ugly…something my mom had suggested months ago and I brushed off (yes, Mooom, you were right! Even writing this I want to change/manipulate the wording to make it sound not so pathetic/embarrassing haha!) okay…as it turns out, I have….the pride! *bows head in shame!
This past week I witnessed just how much pride has been affecting me, it has wriggled it’s way into so many areas of my life (I picture little, really skinny plant roots sneakily infiltrating…they’re so small that if you don’t pay attention you miss them). I saw myself without the veil of Jesus, and that kayla is so ugly, she’s selfish, stubborn, obsessive, jealous…I could go on, but the thought of what I’m really like under the hood has me on the brink of tears..case and point: kayla without Jesus is disgusting, the stuff nightmares are made of!
So what do we do with this?! I mean I guess you’re fine you don’t have to see her every single day. But, I have to hang out with this nightmare….all the time! Everyday…she’s always around! Gross!
Fear not! there’s great news which is that in Jesus, I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and if I repent of my sins, God will forgive me (Acts 3:19, Isaiah 44:22) and even though He knows nightmare kayla rears her ugly head - fairly frequently if we’re being honest! He still chooses to see me through Jesus lenses (1 John 1:7, Titus 2:14, Ephesians 1:7) and just sees a beautiful creation and says to himself “Oooo look at that kayla! What a babe! Man, I do good work!” (Ephesians 2:10). It’s so exciting to see how God uses everything to bring glory to Himself; like if I could do all the work in and of myself, people wouldn’t be able to see God at work – it wouldn’t draw them nearer to Him (that includes me too, it helps me build a more intimate relationship with Him!). I’m that car crash which is so horrifying you can’t look away! You’re drawn in! haha OR you see Jesus in my life and are wooed by the beauty in me! …He and I are also working on humility…. heehee! (Obviously, the beauty is all Jesus – if you don’t remember what kayla is like, backtrack a few paragraphs up).
Okay! So I know I’ve left you hanging for a few months and I have SO many things I want to share – however, I know that you also have lives and don’t have all week to read about my past few months so we will power point through and maybe, just maybe I’ll delight you with a SECOND post this month!
JULY brought us:
- Missions week with my local church – super fun, made friends, worked hard in the kitchen – no one died from my cooking * well technically I was more in charge of coffee and washing dishes but either way, I didn’t poison anybody and my excellent coffee making reputation is still going strong!
- The arrival of my 3 week Step team! We worked with a local church building into the
community not only physically, but relationally as well! It definitely had it’s challenges, I saw God’s grace in many of the participants and was super impressed with what He did in me- as we now know, I'm not the easiest of vessels! Being given that grace and wisdom to handle some tricky situations and the exhilaration that comes after having someone come up to you and be like “You handled that situation like a pro!” So legit! I definitely would not have been able to do that on my own!
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- The departure of all 3 of my Striders, they all went back to their respective countries and have all started university now.
SEPTEMBER:
- I had a few business/pleasure weekend trips – the perks of loving your business is that it makes your trips pleasureful! (That is now a word!).
- Many new friendships/connections – most of which were sparked because of me being open about my recent struggles/hurts/mirror gazing. It’s pretty cool how God uses things! How we suffer so that we can be the vessels to comfort others *cue the Circle of Life soundtrack
There are so many things I’d like to share – which is partially why I’ve taken SO long to get anything out, turns out I have perfectionist tendencies and couldn’t focus enough to make a post worthy of the gates of heaven! Also, I was mentally exhausted after my August of Awesomeness, amongst other things!
Okay before you become mentally exhausted from this novel lets get some PRAISE and PRAYER REQUESTS in:
- Monday I am going to Nicaragua. Please, first of all thank God that He provided me with someone to adventure with! Then please pray for safe travel. Pray that this time away would be a time of true rest (spiritually and physically) and that it would be rejuvenating for our souls (haha that sounds so cheesy – I’m keeping it anyway!)
- My old roommate, Marianela had her baby on Friday so please pray that her, her boyfriend, Allan and baby Elisa would stay in good health and seek the Lord!
- One of the girls in my English class has decided to walk away from the Lord because in her words she “wants to try out living in the world” – it was a huge bummer for the class, we’ve been praying for her (M). However, we are excited to announce that we’ve also been praying for new friends/students and this week I met 2 very interested perspectives! It was a great morale boost for them!
- For my pride…that God would really fill me with the Holy Spirit and that I would be able to release hurts, accept His forgiveness, and experience true healing!
- I almost forgot! I’ve been asked to speak at some sort of mission focused bible study event on the 18th. Please pray God reveals what I need to share and gives me the grace to speak well and get His message across.
- ALSO MY BROTHER WILL BE HERE IN LESS THANK FOUR WEEEKS!!!!!!!!!!! Pray he has safe travel and comes bearing many gifts! heehee In all seriousness, please pray our time would be a huge blessing and that we would be able to fully enjoy our time together and that He would experience some Jesus and decide he’d like a piece of the action!
Okay, that’s enough for right now :) If you ever feel like, “ah! I just can’t get enough kayla, I need to know more!” feel free to write to me, or call or come visit ;) Basically, don’t be afraid to contact me, I don’t bite – usually!
