“A thankful mind-set does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems”-Sarah Young
But rather, it rejoices in the reality of what Jesus has and does do for us each and every day! It is in the midst of trials and tribulations that we are more likely to give up or wallow in self pity and forget all of the wonderful things we have to delight in!
I like to think that I’m quite a thankful person. However, within the past monthish I have experienced loss, disappointment, frustration and have had many moments where patience is simply not a word in my vocabulary. It has brought out an ugly side of Kayla which is not so appreciative and is not so pleasant. I came to realize that my level of thankfulness had declined earlier this month, when a friend of mine came from Canada to Costa Rica and brought a package from my mom. I was ecstatic as I perused through the yarn and goodies she packed away – and then something happened – I found myself disappointed and a little irritated…ah this is so embarrassing! I was irritated that there was first of all no cards and secondly nothing from my Grandma. Here i am with SO much to be grateful for (she had even surprise packed me my favourite candy!) and instead of rejoicing in my sugary blessing I choose to be annoyed!? When I realized what was going on I took a step back (kind of jumped back with an “arrghhh?!?!?” you know shocked and disgusted all at the same time) and then came the commentary:
“Uh excuse you kayla?! WHAT is wrong with you!?!? You should be grateful for what you did get because it’s excellent!! As well, mammachan (that’s my mom) put this together in less than a week! You deserve nothing! Now!!! repent you tonta!!” (tonta is essentially idiot or dumb/stupid in Spanish).
So I apologize to my mom, haha in my head! because obviously she had no idea – until I told her later when we skyped and confessed what a brat her first born is! Then, I finish unpacking my package only to find a handful of cards sneakily wrapped up in a skirt!!!! All of which were filled with encouraging and kind words, which I, of course, did not deserve!
What makes me chuckle is the irony of all this, when I told my mom about what happened instead of judging me and scolding my greediness we literally just giggled about the whole situation and what a todd i was (okay that’s an inside joke with my friend Janessa- whom none of you know but
it it really fits with my behaviour and she will love that i used it. In non-inside joke English we would probably say what a butthead I was). Mom also confessed that she forgot to tell Grandma (who when she found out was quite unimpressed with my moms!) she was sending something, until it was too late, which explained why my precious gem of a grandma *see photo –>hadn’t sent anything. Case and point I have a really excellent family who love to laugh at/with me when I’m ridiculous – which is pretty much all the time! The Lord knew what he was doing when he put us together!
Now that you are probably disgusted by me, let’s continue on with the lesson in all of this :) What all of that helped me to remember is thankfulness is something which requires effort. It’s a conscious choice, and even though usually it is rather easy for me to revel in all I have to be grateful for, I still drop the ball sometimes. Especially, when overwhelmed with the chaos that life tends to be, particularly when abroad. These past few months have been very difficult for me – I completely underestimated the level of culture shock I would have when getting back here – I mean, I’ve already lived here multiple times , I have friends and community here so I should have no problem right? Not to mention I had a plan! Well, like “Uh excuse you kayla?! WHAT is wrong with you!?!? You should be grateful for what you did get because it’s excellent!! As well, mammachan (that’s my mom) put this together in less than a week! You deserve nothing! Now!!! repent you tonta!!” (tonta is essentially idiot or dumb/stupid in Spanish).
So I apologize to my mom, haha in my head! because obviously she had no idea – until I told her later when we skyped and confessed what a brat her first born is! Then, I finish unpacking my package only to find a handful of cards sneakily wrapped up in a skirt!!!! All of which were filled with encouraging and kind words, which I, of course, did not deserve! What makes me chuckle is the irony of all this, when I told my mom about what happened instead of judging me and scolding my greediness we literally just giggled about the whole situation and what a todd i was (okay that’s an inside joke with my friend Janessa- whom none of you know but
it it really fits with my behaviour and she will love that i used it. In non-inside joke English we would probably say what a butthead I was). Mom also confessed that she forgot to tell Grandma (who when she found out was quite unimpressed with my moms!) she was sending something, until it was too late, which explained why my precious gem of a grandma *see photo –>hadn’t sent anything. Case and point I have a really excellent family who love to laugh at/with me when I’m ridiculous – which is pretty much all the time! The Lord knew what he was doing when he put us together! The difference this time, i think, is that I have more pressure on me, most of which I put there – no one else was giving me any so i took some initiative and placed it there all by myself! This time ‘round i have more responsibility, freedom, I have more control over what I do where I do it and who with etc., and while it’s awesome to be growing - growing pains hurt!
BUT! (don’t you just love butts? heehee! i mean buts...) The nice thing to know is that God uses everything and nothing is wasted, just because things don’t go my way doesn’t mean they’re not useful and reality God’s way is way better than what i could have ever dreamed up on my own! I really do have SO MUCH to be thankful for...
- I have discovered a new Bible Study which so far (I’m two weeks in) has been delightful!
- New opportunities are popping up, not only for potential placements for other missionaries but things for me as well – In 2 weeks i get to go visit Isla Venado, which is outside of the Central Valley and I’m very excited to scope it out!
- I started running…okay, let’s be honest, walking and occasionally jogging with a friend of mine in the mornings, she’s super fun and it makes waking up at 6 am worthwhile!
- I had some delicious homemade Nicaraguan cheese soup accompanied by cheese soup tortas! Yum!
- I’ve been making conscious choices to push myself out of my comfort zone and so far it has been paying off!
While I do have tons of things to be grateful for I also have some PR’s (prayer requests) that if you have time I'd love to have your help in (aside from the usual: health, settling in, safety, Spanish, wisdom *see September 10 post)…
First off, i have not been technologically savvy this week - I wrecked my computer screen by closing the laptop onto a pair of earrings breaking the earrings and creating a mark ( i don’t know what it’s called i wrecked the ink or something) on the screen which started out small but continues to grow each day *siiiigh so daily i am reminded of my stupidity and carelessness. Please pray the blob does not get any bigger. I also dropped my good headphones into my cup of tea while skyping with my friend. I have since stuck those in some rice and it appears that they function, we’ll see if that lasts. But all in all this has not been my week for all things electronic.
Secondly, I will be homeless, again, in a month – i have seen a place that seemed to have potential but have not heard back from the owners. There is also a potential roommate – whom I've never met but she’s friends with my friend, who is awesome, so she too should be awesome by association. We’ll see how that goes. Either way we’re still praying about my living situation (where, cost, safety, adorable…)
Thirdly, I went with a friend, and her niece to the child social services on Friday to pick up her niece’s possessions (cell phone, clothes, money) as a little while ago her sister reported their mom to social services and had all the kids removed from the home and into, what i understood to be a shelter. They had all their things taken away from them and supposedly this building has them. Well we went and of course were shuffled around only to, ultimately, be told by a security guard that her stuff may or may not be there and the lady who would know is in a meeting for the entire day and she may or may not come back to the office. She probably would return because her car was parked there but maybe she would most likely just pick up her car and leave; she has a phone number but it’s her personal cell phone and isn’t given out…and then the guard just stood there unimpressed that we continued to ask questions and get some answers. As we walked away I was really irritated with how unprofessional the system is. Then i was told me that that was their 3rd time going to try and retrieve the items….. my jaw dropped! Please pray that they will be able to figure out the “system” and be able to recover the items that were taken.
“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord”
– Psalm 27: 13-14 (NLT)
I, unfortunately love to pray for patience…I guess I just love to torture myself!To my lovely readers, thanks for being so great, I hope you have an excellent week!
