“feeling tired, sluggish, completely inadequate??? REJOICE!!!

 it is the perfect opportunity to rely on ME in childlike faith” –Jesus

So i must apologize for going off the grid for almost 2 months!  If we’re being honest i have had no motivation to sit down and think about how i am feeling or start pondering big questions.  Not to mention my one month of rest plan (where i would take a month off to recharge and after those 30 days i would be back at 100%) has been failing miserably.  How foolish of me, I should’ve known better, God’s plans always dominate mine!  Needless to say I'm still sick and it’s been very frustrating (i was diagnosed with sinusitis and bronchitis on monday and am now hopped up on drugs, aka watch out phlegm you’re abouts to be evicted!)

Ok moving on – there are much more exciting wonderful things afoot!  I am SO delighted to report that while I have been struggling with depression, frustration, and quite a bit too much fear God has been faithful! huzzah!
This morning i read Isaiah 30.20-21

“Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying “this is the way, walk in it”

One of the hardest things i have been facing is feeling distant from God.  Confused on where to turn, what to do, why sucky things happen, not feeling like i was hearing much, etc.  This passage  immediately filled me with new hope!  Last night, I was offered a job at the dermatology clinic where  i worked before i left for Costa Rica.  Not only that but i got a raise!  say whaat!?!? I KNOW!   The thing about this verse in Isaiah –  it emphasises that I need to make the turn first it’s way easier for God to move something with momentum over something stationary (like saaay someone who lives in her pjs on the couch…).  Sometimes we get caught up in the fear and our feet get stuck and we stand there in the same spot screaming “aah God why have you forsaken me?? where is my direction?! I want a hug!!!”  when reality is we need to first take the steps out  in faith trusting that if we are going the wrong way we will be redirected! 

So right now i am stepping out, taking a job (which is seemingly temporary,who knows what doors will opened).  I am not allowing myself to even consider going out into the field again until I'm completely recharged and healthy – not only physically but spiritually as well.  Picture it this way a watering can is not so productive when empty.  When watering the garden you take your can (full) and shower the soil then once it’s empty you take it back to the tap to be refilled until it is overflowing; so much so that it spills out while you are walking back to the garden.  I want to get back to the place where i am overflowing with the spirits of living water which cannot be contained so that while God is carrying me back to the garden I'm splashing out everywhere!  I do not know where my garden is or when i get to go, but i do know that i am in good hands and it doesn’t matter where the water lands the important part is that there is water to spill!

PRAYER
(ps did i tell you I'm so thankful for people taking the time to pray for me, i feel so special!)

• I want to be heaaalthyyyy!!!  so please pray that the medications work quickly so i can finally drop the illness be congestion-free and have an immune system stronger than Samson!
• For a softened and open heart eager to be taught and alert to the plethora of joy, grace, and learning opportunities each day has to offer.
• For continued grace and peace knowing i am where i am supposed to be right now and that my peeps' to the south are in good hands.

• That each day will bring me into more intimate relationship with God and he will fill me with wisdom, patience, and confidence so i can fearlessly discern  the paths to take.

*cough PFFFFFFFF! *sniffle sniffle blaaaah

gah so I've been meaning to write a wonderful piece about what God’s been teaching me and how I've been coping with the transition back.  However it’s been put on hold because i have death gripe (aka extreme disgust flu) case in point its hard to not be miserable.  It wasn’t so bad last week when it was a minor cold and i could spend my day playing the dance party game my mom has for our Wii.  But sadly, I've been getting worse and each day has come with less energy, less sleep, and more mocus (my friends down south would be ecstatic as they have a weird fascination with picking my nose)…i don’t even know if i would mind that much as it would block the dripage… haha eww tmi

Aaaanyways , Jesus is pretty clear when he calls us to “be joyful always”  _{1 thes 5.16}  so I've been trying to stay positive and not give into the crazy thoughts that tend to pass through and attempt to camp out when trapped on the couch for what seems like endless hours at a time.  Normally what helps me feel better is to remember all the awesome stuff I've been given and compile things that I'm grateful for (and lets face it I've got excess, the big guy has been super generous with me). It’s sadly so easy to focus on the negatives, but if you take like 5 minutes to step back and honestly look at what’s there wooo! one can’t help but find her smile. Lets take a gander at just 3:

number 1: aaah i know this gets out all the time but i am truly blessed with wonderful relationships down south and one of the BEST feelings is picking up my phone or opening my email to find that while i may be out of sight I'm not out of mind... i have been showered NO drenched with messages of encouragement, love, updates, questions, and all the usual antics from my latin familia. I'm very lucky!

number 2: my support system, even when crazy irrational kayla is near there is no fear! Just love, prayers, encouragement, and a huge dose of undeserved compliments.

EEEK number 3!!!: if all else fails I'm SO DELIGHTED that God made platypuses AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM!!!!

*sigh, I'm pretty sure if you could see the gigantic smile that has overtaken my face strictly on looking at this picture alone you’d need to go change your pants because you just pee’d them from laughing so hard.

bahaha that’s enough for now, please pray i get better ASAP love kayla :)!

SORPRESA!!!!!! WAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAA????

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Just an update for the church up north :)

HEY CEDAR GROVE!!!!!!!!

So this is just what i whipped up for Missions Fest 2012.

campa campa campaaaaa!!!!

heyhey happy new year er’body!!! so camp case and point was super prime! It was SO incredibly amazing that i can’t even begin to describe how awesome it truly was.  I love camp so much it provides such a wonderful opportunity it challenges and opens doors that would at times be impossible (or seemingly) back in “the real world” aaah YAY CAMP! I got to co-lead a cabin with Fran (the other coach on the soccer team) filled with girls from the soccer team.  Sooo case in point it was awesome!  As I'm sure many of you have now seen the facebook pictures there was a LOT of mud and activities involving said mud.  Which was a good thing because as one friend pointed out to me if i had not been covered head to toe she probably would have been blinded by my pasty complexion.. haha sad face.  Anyways back to more important things God was seriously at work!  There was a sense of safety and comfort  it was clearly translating to the kids because they were opening up about serious stuff, sharing their thoughts, asking questions and ooooh man the Holy Spirit was hooking some people up!  Legit decisions were being made, we gained a ton of momentum – seeds that had been sewn months, even years, ago were sprouting up!  I just read through my friends Seth and Andrea’s blog and they nailed it to a tee hence you should check it out to get a better summary or how totally prime this Jesus character is!!!

PRAYER: Please pray that these kids don’t fall into doubt, that God reaffirms what he was speaking to them and for them to have courage and strength to stand up for what’s legit and not to fall back into old habits.  Pray for their protection as they are now back in sketchy environments.

I know I've dropped the ball a little bit with videos but don’t worry there will be an aMAzing one coming soon but until then hopefully these fotos will suffice!

just a quick peek at camp VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

proverbs 31

  you eskimoo!!!!! hahahaha! that was for my mom, pretty sure she just peed her pants! (for those of you not coming from my facebook the question was how do you call an eskimo cow?)

      Okay on to business, today started routine, normal bus rides, normal walk.  then i got into work.  i opened the gate and within minutes was rebuked in front of all the girls i was about to lead in a devotional – talk about embarrassing.  Not the ideal way to start out the day BUT God has a purpose for everything.  The girls witnessed my reaction (which was calm and non-confrontational woop woop!).  Once the study started I had their complete attention (que milagro!).  I was so nervous about this study too because historically they don’t give much feedback and tend to just stare at you blankly, it can get awkward.  NOT today!  It was so exciting I had their full attention and I got to talk about the proverbs 31 woman and why she’s so awesome and how i believe that each and everyone of them has the potential to be her!  We talked (because YES they gave me feedback – i asked each of them to share which part stood out to them and why).  AH! It was SO awesome!  Not only did each one contribute but they did so with enthusiasm and they really seemed to embrace what i was trying to get across to them.  I was so encouraged! 

One of the girls, Fabiola, shared that her favourite part was verse 18

“She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.”

Out of all the verses this had to be the one that struck me the least, but for her it was encouraging to see that this woman never gives up that she’s always alert.   I have to be honest it had never even crossed my mind when i read it.  That’s what i love about opening up the floor to others, different perspectives!

 

     We had one boy in the group (because our classes are now co-ed!!!! (answer to prayer right there!) Andrew, liked:

  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

     How encouraging!  He went on to explain exactly what the girls needed to hear.  How its better to have someone who’s legit on the inside over some babe with nothing adentro.  It sounds super lame and cheesy but you could just sense the confidence being injected.  The smiles on the girls’ faces ooooh!  I’m sure i probably freaked them out with how zesty and excited i was…well actually probably not, i kind of excite easily haha whatever it was really awesome!

 

     Down here there is a profound oppressive sense of settling for what’s right in front of you or for routine (even if the routine is consistently ineffective , what’s the definition of insanity again?);  aspiring for things but not putting in the time to make a legit effort; not following through; no need to reach farther than your arm stretches, a learned helplessness… it can really wear a girl down.   But i walked, bueno,  more like floated away from the study feeling super pumped!!!

     For awhile now I've been pondering over my future and what I'm supposed to be doing with this delightful blessing of a life…

  what are your motives?  why are you here?   How can you learn from your seemingly endless list of mistakes? where is God leading?…

     I don’t have the answers for all of them but I've pinpointed a few.  My motives i think are pretty clear I want to serve, i want to obey, case and point i want to be in God’s will.  i want to see everyone as head over heels in love with Jesus as i am.   I have no idea what that means as far as a job, missions, or anything really… I'm a disorganized bundle of confusion these days but i do know that as long as i am searching and asking God’s gona hook me up, maybe not how i had hoped or imagined but He’s not going to leave out to dry.  Therefore I'm going to enjoy my last few months as much as possible – i will not shut down even if that means spontaneously tearing up and feeling like my heart is being ripped out becomes a daily occurrence.  I don’t want a safe “cookie cutter” route, sometimes its easy to long for one, for the simplicity, but then reality comes back i cringe and get claustrophobic.  Life is untamed it is unsafe, especially when God’s hitting the gas pedal!  He is not safe – he’s like the antithesis of it actually, his paths would not be described as kiddie trails, however He is good and worth the risk so…“[I] will laugh at the days to come” v25

…muahaha!!  right now its like that scared nervous laugh but I'm trying to grow it into a hearty Santa-esque chuckle….one that comes from the gut!

                   Feliz Navidad!!!

apparently i like doing stuff in the dark…

riding random boats through crazy 50 ft. waves (haha not even close maybe like 2 but they might as well have been 50), trekking through the jungle, sleeping, i guess that's really all i do… hahah

look at me video bloggin….moving up in the world!

oops forgot some stuff…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

		take my picture!!! VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

hopefully this works out…i was hoping to be able to caption the pictures but i can’t figure out how.  Anyways the only one that is desperately in need of a caption is the one of the guy in the black shirt…we walk in and he was singing along to english love ballads (with soul) the ENTIRE time he was waiting AND in the boat…it was excellent! His first song was “I Believe I Can Fly” very moving…then he followed up with some Toni Braxton and i think there was also some BSB (backstreet boys heeeyo!!!) oh man just really made the trip!

the other girl is of course Carolyn- she’s excellent, we got up for the sunrise and the picture turned out really cool because you can see the sun rays… all in all it was an eventful and fun trip! I’m a lucky gal!!!

i dare you to relax!

*siiiigh I've just returned from a wonderful three and a half day venture up to Guanacaste.   A friend of mine invited me to go up to the resort where her parents are staying so they could shower me with juice and rest.   How could i say no?! 

So we get there Tuesday night and the next few days are a blur of getting stung by a jelly fish, eaten alive by sand fleas, the beach, the pool, hammocks, pasta, hummus, ice cream, pina coladas, movies, iguanas, crazy costa rican squirrels, vultures, shell hunting, brilliant conversations, get too much sun, frisbee, random locals, nachos, naps and horseback riding at sunset…which brings us to our story…

… so Walter, the guide, and I after trying and failing to take a wonderful picture of me with the sunset find ourselves needing to catch up to the other girls as we were pretty far behind.  Solution:we must gallop, not a big deal, i like running,  next thing i know “Lista?!” (ready)…*gulp “yep!”  Then Walter smacks my horse and we both start off into a run ..fun until my horse decides that we at the Pan American games and he MUST win!  He glances over at Walter’s horse whinnies and books it double time, (let’s remember i am in flip flops..hahah) I wish i could say that i was wicked awesome tucked my head in and jockeyed it up..haha that did not happen…so picture this the other two girls far ahead having a wonderful, calm conversation when all of a sudden they hear a high pitch wail: “WWWWAAAAALLLLLLTEEEEEEEEEEEEEREER!!!!!!!!!” haha as i zoom by… baahahaha oh man it was awesome!

This morning was our departure day and the only bus left at 4.30 IN the morning…eww right?! As we are walking to the stop we watch the bus fly by – we were 10 minutes early too…very un latiny.  So a little panicky as there is only one bus and Audrey has a flight out tomorrow we needed to get back today so we are waiting, praying that it wasn’t actually our bus, and around 4.45 another bus comes – we hail it down and show him our tickets for the original bus he’s like “oh ya that bus is gone” greeeat.  So we ask him where he is going,  he’s going to Nicoya (from there we would have to hunt down another bus and probably have to wait until 9am to catch another bus to San Jose) so we get on his bus (which was like a space ship on the inside with blue lights and everything) as it really was our only option.  I was disappointed because we had already bought the tickets for the first bus

and it just felt like a waste of money. BUT lo and behold we drive along in the space bus for about 20ish minutes (during this whole time the drive had some pretty prime music going on) and who do we see stopped up ahead of us…OUR BUS! so space bus pulls right infront so it can’t leave and we make the switch! Success!!!

 

How is it that i am so lucky to have a God who in the midst of my craziness pulls me away sends me to just reaffirm that He’s got my back and that there’s no need for me to worry or fret or even spend hours pondering about my future.  He was straight up “look kayla you thought you missed your bus, but you kept walking and i hooked you up..YET again” sheesh what a guy!  I don’t know exactly what I am going to do regarding next year, but as long as i continue to devote myself to prayer with an alert mind and thankful heart (col 4.2) God’s gona pull it all together! I mean if he cares about our bus drama how much more does He care about my life drama..i think I'm covered

AHH I’m excited for tomorrow, while i enjoyed my time in the beach i am suuper ready to get back to my peeps in the hood..five days away is too long. EEK tomorrow we will be reunited! AAAND for those of you keeping track 2 weeks, 3 days and 3 hours until me and brotha chan will be reunited!!!! YAY!!!

There is a place only YOU can go…

Whaaat???! like there’s no one else? God has a specific purpose for me?!?!  It’s true and  i was slapped in the face with the concept this past Monday.

First, lets just recap my Sunday (‘cuz it was real fun) I went to church in Carpio,  attended a surprise birthday lunch for Reynaldo (our handyman at New Horizons), then after, we celebrated further by going to play a little baseball; and October here might as well be called Mudober because you be getting mud alll ober you bahahahah!!! needless to say if they didn’t believe i was negra before they sure saw it after ….oh man it was fun!

Okay moving on to Monday!  We had a retreat for the Refuge (the girls’ side) – i got invited because of the soccer team and, i heard it going around, because I'm awesome – something along those lines… Okay all humility aside it was a fantastic day.  It was suuper cold (my fingers turned blue)!  Oh man i can’t believe how God used this trip to whip his little Chan into shape.  With all this talk of long term missions and everything that surrounds that I've been really digging into myself (good and bad) I've torn myself apart and hit me where it hurts and been ripping myself apart.  Trying to figure out what my problem is why I've felt so estranged from God at times and why i haven’t been able to find time – bueno why i haven’t made time to sit down and listen.  When i tried i would just get overwhelmed and find an escape.  BUT at the retreat yesterday i didn’t give myself that option.  We were given a quiet time to just hang out with God and look inside ourselves.  Which i got really excited about (you’d think i never had the opportunity… but i was so pumped for this quiet time- must’ve been my psychic skills coming out because it was awesoome – yes i did just sing awesome). 

Okay so i found this little secluded porch to settle into….

I started off just kinda talking to God being like “WHat is my deal? why am i so weird? what’s wrong with me?  etc etc…” then i was like “shut up kayla, open those elephant ears and listen to what He’s got to say..you talk waaay too much!”  During this time i had felt urged to listen to my ipod…which i thought was me trying to hide/distract myself.  But after a few minutes I decided that it was so persistent maybe God wanted to share something with me through song and sure enough He hit me with this:

when there’s nothing I can’t afford to sacrifice there’s no way they can put out my fire

which got me thinking. “Can i honestly say that i have nothing left to lose?” and i immediately was like “no, i can’t”  how upsetting!  So i started to pry…what was i clinging to so desperately?  What was i afraid of losing?  What was blocking me from resting in God’s awesomeness?!  One thing came to mind, I wrote it down, it scared me.  Seeing it written out it seemed so ridiculous.  Soon after i had dozen fears jotted down.  I looked at the list embarrassed, scared, confused..and then it hit me “do i secretly think You (God) are going to leave me? I know you won’t but am i trusting in that?”  Hmmm….

Then i was reminded of the verse God had given me before i made my way down here: “Be strong and courageous…be strong and courageous…i will never leave you nor forsake you” and i was like “aah yes I need to read that”…then i wrote down Jeremiah 1 (because for some reason that’s where i thought it was found) WRONG! so i open my bible and start to go to Jeremiah when i realize the passage is actually in Joshua but i was curious as to why i wrote down Jeremiah 1 so i flipped over  

(ps just so you get the vibe hit play.  This is what was playing while i was reading).

 

SO I start reading…then all of a sudden i hit verse 4, my heart started to accelerate and my eyes were flooded and tears started streaming down my face…

“The word of the LORD came to me, saying.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”  But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.

Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now i have put my words in your mouth…”                                             

Jeremiah 1.4-9

ARE you kidding me?!?! Who am I to deserve such treatment?  How is it that all the fears I have and insecurities can be in one little passage blanketed with such love, such clarity..its like he knows me or something.  Not only did he shower me with his presence but he had me write it out as it was happening so that i couldn’t go back and rationalize.  This was no coincidence, it was a planned moment! And seriously if you’re not up out of your seat dancing and being SUPER excited aah you be straight up crazy and should get up right not because this is pretty much the epitome of prime!!!

I know i say this a lot but seriously how did i get SO lucky?! I do not deserve this!  AAAAH I can’t wipe this ridiculously HUGE smile off my face!

I’m a lucky lucky girl, not only do i have an amazing God but i also have a sensational support system your prayers are no doubt making a huge difference (my brother is coming in just over a month, i have friends, I'm growing..ah there’s so many answered prayers) and i can’t express how grateful i am.  I pray that as you are frolicking alongside me in this journey you will be praying for God to continue open the doors for me and to be extremely clear in what he wants me to do.  For wisdom, discernment, i want to ooze grace and love, to be shockingly patient (*shudder, praying for patience is scary heehee), and of course more Spanish!!! 

What a blessing to be able to share all of this!  If you have any questions or thoughts…anything really,  my inbox is always open and i do delight in feedback.  This upcoming year is, heck these upcoming months are, going to be huge…eek I'm excited!!! 

good morning kayla, listen up!

“BE WILLING TO FOLLOW wherever i lead.  Follow Me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace.  Though you don’t know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough!  Some of My richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real.  To receive these gifts, you much walk by faith – not by sight (2 Cor. 5.7).  This doesn't mean closing your eyes to what is all around you.  It means subordinating the visible world to the invisible Shepherd of your soul.

Sometimes I lead you up a high mountain with only My hand to support you.  The higher you climb, the more spectacular the view becomes; also the more keenly you sense your separation from the world with all its problems.  This frees you to experience exuberantly the joyous reality of My Presence.  Give yourself  fully to these Glory-moments, awash in dazzling Light.  I will eventually lead you down the mountain, back into community with others.  Let My Light continue to shine within you as you walk among people again.”  (Jesus Calling. Sarah Young)

“When Jesus spoke again  to the people, he said “I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”    - John 8.12

“Splendor and majesty are before him, strength and glory are in his sanctuary”  - Ps 96.6

This is what i woke up to this morning! are you kidding me God?!  What an exciting thing to read with all the changes i’m encountering and anticipating in my life.  I got so pumped after reading this i felt compelled to share it.  In case you haven’t heard my God is pretty darn prime!!!